


A date with sunset

by Ozaiking



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Beaches, Bottom Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Boys Kissing, Dominant Erwin Smith, Drama, Eruri Week, Eventual Levi/Erwin Smith, Falling In Love, Gay Male Character, Levi/Erwin Smith-centric, Love, M/M, Modern Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, POV Erwin Smith, POV Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Pervert Erwin Smith, Romance, Sex, Sunsets, Top Erwin Smith, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:47:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 33,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22099681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ozaiking/pseuds/Ozaiking
Summary: Levi’s P.O.VBeing alone was never hard before I met you.When I met you I found myself.Please don’t doubt my love for you,It’s the only thing I’m sure of.Erwin’s P.O.VWhen I met you on the road (life),(Your simplicity won my heart and soul)You thought,I was a man of roads and you loved me for being such a manBut I wasn’t such a man,I was lost…(Adapted from Leonard Cohen's Poetry)
Relationships: Levi & Erwin Smith, Levi/Erwin Smith
Comments: 11
Kudos: 24





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!  
> sorry, dear readers, I'm not good at writing a summary but I tried to write a good story, I hope you enjoy it. Please share your comments and vote for this story if you like :)  
> thank you

His steps were heavy; his hands were numb by the cold of the snow. He bent forward a little and looked at the ground. He put his hand on the wall and leaned on it; he glided and sat down on the floor. Laid his head on his knees and began to sob. He had a crumpled paper in his hands. Leaned his head to the wall, took a deep breath with a loud moan, while his face sank in tears. The snowflakes covering his body slowly.

(a month ago)

He didn't need an alarm clock because he slept light due to insomnia; he got up from his bed with Impatience, walked by the window and opened it a little. The cold air crawled into the room and struck his face. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. After he closed the window and showered, he sat down on the dining table and began drinking tea. He was accustomed to dipping his thoughts while drinking tea.

He was staring at a spot and drank tea slowly before the sound of the door drew him out of his world. He Stood up tiredly and opened the door. His neighbor, Hanji was there. She was always laughing and had brown hair; she had covered her face with a wide smile, while shifting her glasses,

"Good morning, Levi! I thought you might be asleep. I wanted to wake you up." She said with a loud and energetic voice.

Levi pulled his straight raven hair off and looked at Hanji with his gray cold eyes, "You’re always annoying! And I have to say for a thousand times, I will never be sleep for you to wake me up, shitty glasses!"

Hanji tittered, "You never change Levi! I wonder who is going to be with you with this bad attitude! That's why you're always alone!" she put her hand on her hip and continued, "But you know that I'm your friend and I'll never leave you alone! Now, don't you want to invite me to come in?"

Levi cocked his head, "Yeah, I know! You don't have to repeat it all the time. Also, what should I invite you? Don't you want to go to work?" Hanji paused then laughed shyly, "You're right! Incidentally, I’m in a hurry!" and as she walked down the stairs, shook her hands, "See you later Levi!" she said.

Levi closed the door and got ready to go, he should go to work. He had changed his job several times within four years. Although for one year, he worked at a coffee shop thanks to a friend's advice and spent all his times there. For many years, he lived alone and had no contact except his few friends. Many years had passed since his parents died, and he spent all his life on his own. The greatest fun of his life was to make tea and study about it. The city that he was living was by the sea, and one of the fun things he rarely did, was to go to the beach sometimes to relax.

He entered the coffee shop and immediately went back to the counter. Hanged his jacket, took a notebook and began to play with it. He went to the chair and sat down. Petra stood next to him. She had bright brown eyes with brown hair up to her shoulder. As she hide her hair behind her ear, smiled kindly,

"Hello, Levi! Today you look good”

Levi nodded, "Yeah well, like always, how are you? Are you better? I heard you were sick"

he was still busy with the notebook and didn't look at Petra. Petra, who had blushed, smiled in embarrassing, "Yeah, much better. It was just a cold. Thanks for asking me" she said.

They were silent a few moments that a tall blonde boy that parted his hair in the middle and had a little beard on his chin, stood next to Petra, "You should also be surprised that he has asked you. Does he care about someone other than himself in this world?"

Petra looked at him with anger, "Flagon! Do not start it again"

Levi frowned a bit and raised his head, "It's better to shut your fucking mouth because I don’t want the pleasure of hearing your nonsense!"

Flagon pressed his teeth together, "I'm wondering why a crazy and sullen person like you should work here! You can’t even smile and just scare away all the customers! And you thought that you are very special and desirable! You're nothing, little kid! It's better to know your limit. I say for your own sake" he said with anger and put his hand on Levi's shoulder.

Levi pushed his hand firmly, "Do not touch me with your dirty hands! Otherwise, I might be dirty!"

Flagon's face fluttered with anger, raised his hand to slap him that Pixis, a bald middle-aged man with a mustache, came forward,

"Enough! When do you want to get along together? It appears I have to fire you so that you don’t continue to do this. In front of customers, you have to be polite"

Flagon looked at Pixis and pulled back. Petra took Levi's hand, "Do not worry about him. He’s always mad" she said with concern.

Levi nodded, picked up his notebook and carried out his duties.

A few hours passed. Levi, who was tired stretched his body to refresh himself, he leaned on the counter and put both his elbows there as he had stared at the spot. Petra put a cup of tea next to him and smiled. Levi glanced at her and nodded.

She cared more about him than anyone else; she knew exactly when Levi is sad and tired, and was always ready to be around. Levi also knew how Petra felt about him. A lovely, talkative and kindly girl. But the emotion that Levi had for her was not love, but admiration, and he didn't think he could get in a relationship with her because he was accustomed to being alone.

He was looking for excitement and a love that would burn all his cold existence. Something beyond his expectations, that it doesn't look like ordinary love because he didn't trust the durability of these emotions; he was looking for love without an expectation and full of commitment, that he could relax with his partner, and take the peace he had lost a long time ago.

At the same time, he knew that he wouldn't find love without expectation. He wanted to sit down and put his love burdening on his partner's shoulder and drown himself in peace. Maybe, he was looking for someone to be stronger than him to protect against the hardships of life and to be sturdy supported.

He also knew that without feelings and mutual commitment, he couldn't be happy with his partner, but who? Who could gaze at him for hours silently and read his pain from his eyes? Someone who isn't thirsty to hear confessions of love, someone who would hug him, to compensate his forlorn and fatigue, wouldn’t be upset by his sharp language and teach him the meaning of love, even if this love is wrong.

No matter how he searched around, he wouldn't find anyone, and he was exhausted of thinking of all this. Tired of the sensation that humiliated his manhood in his mind.

He was gazing at the corner in silence, and the weak noise that came to his ear didn't stop him from thinking. As he was drowning in his imagination, the sound of opening the door attracted his attention.

A tall, blonde man, with a sharp jaw and wide eyebrows that were darker than his hair, entered the coffee shop. His straight golden hair parted on the left, and he looked adorable. He was wearing long coat, fitting for his masculine and muscular body, wrapped a scarf around his neck, hanging from his chest and worn leather gloves.

Levi glanced at him and thought he was a handsome and attractive man. The blond man stopped a moment and looked at empty tables; he went to table and sat down in the corner of the hall. That table he chose was located at the blind spot and few people would choose it to sit. However, someone standing beside the counter could see the table well.

Levi could have seen the man in profile; he had rested his leg on the other leg and removed the scarf. He took his notebook and went toward him. Stood next to the table and looked at him. What a fascinating man! Like a gentleman who, with politeness and dignity, sat down in an indescribable glory, and a strange peace in his face shone.

The blond man was removing his gloves, while Levi focused his eyes on the man's hands. He had big and powerful hands with long fingers, which seemed rough. He took a short breath calmly,

"What would you like to order?"

The blonde man gently lifted his head and looked at him, he saw a short man with straight raven hair, and gray eyes that he was looking at him very cold and looking forward to the answer. He paused for a moment and stared at Levi's eyes.

Levi also was looking at the man's eyes; blue eyes, in the color of the sea, which could drown any person in his charm.

He lifted an eyebrow and opened his mouth to say,

_‘Spit it out, son of a bitch!’_

But before he spoke a word, the blond man smiled a little and he could hear his deep voice,

"Coffee, please"

Levi sighed, he looked at his notebook and wrote, 'Coffee' then Continued, "milk or sugar?" the blond man lowered his head quietly, "No, bitter" while laying the gloves on the table.

Levi rolled his eyes and went to the counter, he looked at him a few times from the moment he returned until the order was delivered, but that man didn't look at the counter at all.

He had taken out a small booklet from his pocket and studied it that Levi put the coffee on the table; he heard that man murmured something and thought he should be thankful. He looked at the man whose nose was in the book and didn’t move; then he slowly walked away from him.

Levi kept looking at him and monitoring his behavior until the blond man closed his booklet and put it in his pocket. He wrapped his scarf around the neck, took his gloves and left after paying the bill, without looking at anyone. Levi went to the table and saw that a cup of coffee had remained intact. It appears the man had only drunk a sip of it.

He was walking toward the house slowly and drowned in his thoughts; he was imagining the face of that man. All that he saw was appealing. He was unaware a smile was sitting on his face. When he arrived at his house, he opened the door.

It was dark; a glimmer of the street light came into the house. He closed the door and sat down on the couch, he no longer had a smile on his face

Loneliness again, silence again and countless thoughts again...


	2. Chapter 2

He was putting his hand under his chin and made fictional designs with his fingers, he wasn't paying attention to the voices. Sometimes, he was looking at the people who came together there. The couples who were looking at each other with a smile, friends who were drowning in exciting conversations, sometimes laughed, and those who were alone. Just like him, perhaps they were afraid of touching the hearts of others.

Christmas trees, with whatever it hanged on, made the coffee shop more beautiful. But Levi did not pay the slightest attention to it. Even with seeing the thrill of the holidays, there was no change in his feelings and simply forgot everything.

Petra sat down next to Levi, placed her hand on the counter and leaned over to Levi's face, "Levi! Don’t schedule work for tomorrow" she said.

Levi turned his head and looked at her with amazement. For a moment he reviewed his daily schedule, except he could go to a corner, could he do anything else? Petra looked at him for a moment while she slipped her hand across her hair,

"Mike has arranged a party. He wants you to come too"

she smiled sweetly and continued, "It’s Christmas party. Of course, I think he wants to introduce us to Nanaba"

The word Christmas was ringing in Levi's ear. Every year, he celebrated holidays with his friends; however, he never left his loneliness. He was remembering the years before and his single Christmas, he immediately tried to forget everything.

He narrowed his eyes, "Nanaba?" Petra nodded, "Yeah. They've known each other for some time"

Levi nodded and turned his gaze. Mike was their mutual friend. A tall and blonde man with Straight hair Bangs on his forehead and had a little mustache and a beard on his chin. Thanks to his big nose, he had a good sense of smell and was accustomed to smelling everything and everyone. Levi sighed quietly, "I see. Okay, I'll remember"

He put his fingers in his eyes and rubbed them. Petra looked at him, she wanted to talk to him, but Levi was more bored than listening to her words. She got up with uneasiness and left Levi alone. Levi started drawing his imagination design; he raised his head and saw that the blonde man came back to the coffee shop again.

He was surprised. For reasons that he didn’t know, he wasn’t expecting to see him again, although he had thought of him all night involuntary. The blonde man sat slowly behind the table that he had sat yesterday. Levi looked at him, nothing had changed. All of his movements were the same as he had seen before. He went slowly next to the table and looked at him. A strange peace dipped in the man's eyes.

He raised his head and looked at Levi. His eyes sparkled which caused Levi to become a bit anxious.

"What do you want to eat?!" he said flustered.

The blonde man smiled at Levi while staring at him. Levi felt that his hands were frozen, and he could hear himself breath,

"Coffee please," The blonde man said calmly.

Levi stared at him with a half-open mouth, repeated the word of coffee in his mind but he had no movement. The blonde man moved himself a bit and turned his gaze,

"Bitter, please" he said.

Levi closed his eyes for a moment and quietly he got away.

_What a weird feeling_

This sentence repeated in his mind.

He was looking at the blonde man who was studying then frowned a little bit. Why he couldn't take his eyes off him? And was he missing his location and time?

"Shit!" he whispered.

Although he didn't want to pay attention to him, he was still was looking at him, It was as if he couldn't turn his gaze, and he had been asleep and the scenes of the day before had been repeated to him.

Another minute the blond man was gone without regard, to anyone and anything, and his cup of coffee was left in Levi's hands; just a sip.

_Why?_

It was repeated in his mind.

Levi puts the cup on the counter. The blonde man was constantly in his mind. The next moment he was anxious and trying to distract his mind. He couldn't have any feeling toward him; he had only seen this man for two days, so how could he have been able to steal his mind during this time? He had never experienced this. In fact, he reminded everyone as long as he saw them and engaged in his solitude or perhaps even pretended to do so. But this man had gone beyond what Levi could imagine. Feel love for another man? He had been laughing at the thought for a moment, and then was distracted. 

_Bullshit! Hey man, that guy is just a stranger!_

He was trying not to tell himself how deeply he was scared.

He entered to his room and rummaged his wardrobe; he had to wear the appropriate party attire. He didn't want to wear a formal clothes; he wore black jeans with a cream-colored shirt and black jacket and sat on the sofa. His head was aching from all the thoughts that were repeated in his mind.

He put his hand on his forehead and gently rolled it in his hair; he was staring at a corner and imagining scenes again. His phone rang; Petra's name popped up on its screen. Levi didn't answer; he didn't want to go to the party. Friendly parties were bored him.

The New Year had nothing new in his mind; everything was as it was years ago, with lonely repetition. Not even the Christmas tree was visible in his house and, the noise of the world around him had not reached his world, although he was also tired of staying home and thinking endlessly.

He wanted to think of that blonde man; he reviewed all of his movements over and over in his mind relentlessly, and then he threatens himself and felt ashamed of these thoughts. The only change in his life was the growth of this feeling inside him. Sometimes, he thought that holidays he could make a big difference and regain his sealed love.

He was standing behind Mike's door. No sound came,

"Maybe the party wasn't at home, and Petra wanted to say that!" he whispered.

He was a little hesitant, but he still rang. A moment later the door opened and Mike smiled and greeted him happily, "Welcome, Levi! You're late" Levi looked at him and went inside.

The house was silent. When he entered the living room, a scream suddenly came up into the sky. They were all clapping and rolling the squibs in the air and shouting, "Levi! Happy Birthday!" Levi was puzzled and looked at them with his mouth wide open. It was his birthday, and he didn't remember, he didn’t know how to react.

He was standing there and just watching. All of his friends came and hugged him. Hanji, Oluo, Eld, Gunther, and Nifa, Who would occasionally visit their friends, had also come. Levi was tickled pink to their empathy sense and felt ashamed to ignore them. He smiled faintly and sat down.

Shortly thereafter, they began to dance and sing. Levi was dancing in the middle, trying to forget his grief, he was rotating and imagining he was dancing with that man, and he was starved at the thought of being with him. That night, Oluo was their parties Santa Claus and he decided to give them some fun moments.

The sound of their laughter was reaching the sky. After eating and cutting the big birthday cake, they relaxed and began to talk. The party lasted until midnight and quiet music was played. Mike introduces Nanaba to Levi; a beautiful girl with short blond hair that suited Mike so much.

Levi was silent throughout the party; he didn't say anything except for a few small sentences. While he was happy to have such kind friends, on the other hand, there was a great sense of loneliness inside him that hurt.

Before everyone went to watch the firework's celebration, as he spun the cup of tea in his hand, he went by the window to watch outside. The snow had begun and slowly covered the streets. Nothing was going on outside the house. Sometimes, some people walked by and the street lights that had no other memory than the traces of the people who passed it.

The image of a blonde's smile did not go away for a moment of his mind. He was thinking about the moment the cake was cut, and the candles died, to the Hanji's scream that echoed in his ears, "Have a wish before it!"

His silence and his flustering to not knowing what he desires. At that moment he had thought of that man, involuntary. Did he truly wish him? Thinking about where he was on New Year's night, what he was drinking and whom he was embracing, kept marching in front of his eyes. At that moment, instead of laughing at his thoughts, he twisted his eyebrows.

A week passed.

Levi was lying on the bed and his foots facing the ground. He was reaching out his hand to the ceiling and looked at it; the constant thoughts and repetition of memories were the things that he was a master at.

The blonde man would come to the coffee shop, every day at a certain hour with unchanged manners, drop his coffee, leave, and left everything in Levi's existence. His life plan was out of control. He had become accustomed to thinking of a man with only one image in his mind. Neither knew his name nor spoke to him.

He was reminding to himself that he shouldn't be involved with him but he couldn't. He didn't want to believe that counting down to see him, and every day at that particular hour would become impatient and bored more than ever. He was imagining him in his sleep and awakening, and his loneliness had become more apparent than ever.

He wanted to eradicate this seedling so it would not grow into a tree and conquer all of his existence, but tired of the hard struggle, he still was filling with this emotion. He was afraid of forlorn, of that his love for this man would be shouted and that everyone would leave him. Because, in his view, a forbidden love had nothing but frustration.

He got up and went to the kitchen; he hadn’t eaten properly for a while. The dishes containing pancake and omelet were arranged on the table but Levi just drank tea. It was his rest day, and he could stay home; watch movies or go shopping or even read his favorite books, but he couldn't bear it. He kept looking at the clock, if that blond man comes and Levi doesn't see him...

He was aimlessly spinning around the house and he was fighting with himself. On the one hand, he wanted to see the man, and on the other hand, he wanted to fight this feeling. Sometimes, he would curse or scream.

If he could not see him for just one day then there was still hoped to overcome this feeling, but the scramble was useless. Shortly thereafter he felt that his legs were no longer able to stand; he trembled and sat down on the ground, he lowered his head, and cried.

He wiped his tears; he had accepted his defeat but was afraid to admit it.

"That bitch! I ..." he whispered with a trembling voice and took a deep breath.

The feeling of wanting the man burned all his existence. He smiled bitterly and jumped out of his seat, changed his clothes and headed to the coffee shop. The appointed moment was near, and he could see that man again, he could drown in his azure ocean eyes and take a never-ending peace from him. He was remembering the man's hands and wanted to touch them, he wanted to know his name to scream with all his might.

Without realizing it, his fence of resistance had been broken, and that sense of belonging embraced all of his existence at a fast and enjoyable pace. He had embraced this love and felt its roots deep within him.

When he entered the coffee shop, everyone's mouth was wide open. Flagon took a meaningful look at him, "Isn't your day off today? So, what are you doing here?" he said.

Levi smirked, "Why should I explain to you? None of your businesses! Piss off!" and went to the counter.

Flagon preferred not to say anything because he was confused by Levi's behavior, and of course, he knew his harsh literature. Petra looked at him, she didn't know if she was worried or happy to see Levi, and was subconsciously afraid of what drove him there.

Levi didn’t speak to anyone. Just waiting for the blonde man to come. It was as if he had become another man, seeking refuge in his beloved, but even thinking about it would dry the blood in his body.

The blonde man came and sat in a quiet corner. Levi felt his heart come out of his mouth, his whole body was shaking, and he was barely standing on his feet. Blood flowed through his veins and his mouth dried.

Before anyone turned to the blonde man, he flew to him. But he couldn't even speak, just was looking at him and, was staring at his hands. Could he touch them there? A cold sweat sat on his forehead as he was terrified of the man's indifference.

The blond man with his usual behavior and regard gave him his usual order and took refuge in his book. Levi was embroiled in an annoying contradiction that in turn drove him into conflict, at the same time; he didn't want to miss a single moment.

A young girl and boy were sitting at the table in front of the blonde man. Levi went towards them. Both of them had immersed in their worlds, wanted to make a joint decision, and slowly make innocent laughs. He missed these scenes because he was looking at the blonde man; he was saying to himself that I wish the two of them had stayed so long that he could watch this man more. On the head-on, he had a more beautiful face. The more he looked at him; he suffered from the man's inattention more.

He jumped to voice of the young boy. They both looked at him in surprise. "What... did you say?" he said with stuttered.

"Latte please" the young boy said.

Levi nodded and stared at the blonde man as he walked away. A little further, his foot slammed against the side table and fell to the ground,

"Fuck!" he whispered.

The blonde man turned his gaze and stared at Levi. Finally, something was able to catch his attention. Levi immediately looked at the blonde man and blushed with anger and embarrassment.

The young boy turned to him, "Are you okay?" he rose sharply from his seat and went to the counter; cold sweat was sitting on his forehead and he was gasping. Petra rushed towards him, "Are you okay?" Levi shook his head and sat down.

The sadness appeared on Petra's face. "Levi! What's wrong with you? What are you doing with yourself?" she said. Levi looked at her, "Nothing! For a moment I couldn't see in front of my feet! Is this so strange to you?" he said aggressively. Petra sighed, "He's still looking at you!"

Levi froze.

He looked at Petra with wide eyes.

_Does she know? Does that mean she found out? Is it possible that everyone knows? Even... Him?_

He was pale; he had so immersed in his world that he didn't realize everyone had followed his gaze. He bit his lower lip; slowly turned his head and looked at the blonde man. Petra was right, he was still looking at Levi, but nothing was in his sight, no ridicule, no humiliation, even no pity.

Levi lowered his head. The blonde man turned his gaze around and started studying then a little later he left. Levi didn't see him leave, he couldn't look at him; he was filled with shame and was ashamed of everyone.

Flagon sneered and put the cup of that man's coffee in front of Levi's hand, "He's used to not drinking his coffee. Maybe, you would love to drink it!" he said mockingly.

Levi felt that his head was on fire. He wanted to punch Flagon's chin, but he couldn't, his behavior was like a child. He boomed, "Shut the fuck up!" and ran out of the coffee shop with tears in his eyes. Petra called him but he quickly left.

In the silence and darkness of the room, he had hugged his knees. He was feeling frustrated and inferior, but he was scared more; from rejecting this love by his beloved and losing his friends... From sadness and endless loneliness... He wanted to sleep a little, but he just closed his eyes and felt pity for himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your attention!  
> I'd like to hear your opinions about this story


	3. Chapter 3

The ticking of the clock was breaking the silence. Levi was sitting opposite Hanji and moved the cup of tea slowly in his hand. Hanji had put her hand under her chin and stared at him. She narrowed her eyes and screamed,

"Levi!"

Live jumped out, looked at Hanji in fear,

"Fuck you! You scared me to death! Could you act properly just for once?" he shouted.

Hanji took a deep breath, "Even now that I'm in front of you, you're thinking! Well, talk to me! You're more mysterious than ever!"

Levi turned his look over and gazed at the cup of tea,

"How's it going with Moblit?" he asked.

Hanji closed her eyes and tied her hands together,

"Wow! You can't believe it, Levi! Everything is going well. At first, I thought he didn't like me, but he finally confessed that day! Levi! He invited me to dinner and you don't know how excited I was..." she said happily.

Levi wasn't hearing her talk; he was off in his thoughts and thinking about that special day.

The day Mike came to the coffee shop.

_Levi was standing and staring at the blonde man who was studying as usual, with the same habitual behavior. Mike entered the coffee shop; he went to the counter and greeted everyone. He approached Levi, courtesies to him, and after a little observation of his behavior he said with a mysterious laugh,_

_"You're so strange these days"_

_Levi looked at him, "You're used to sinking your nose into people's issues!” he said._

_“Don’t doubt my sharpness!" Mike said with a laugh._

_Levi smirked, "Maybe something has changed in me. No wonder. Everything changes!" and then he turned his head and looked the blonde man with half an eye._

_Mike chuckled and looked around. His eyes fixed on the blonde man, looking at him in surprise, and his mouth was a little open. Levi looked at Mike with curiosity. His behavior was strange to him, but before he could ask a question, Mike laughed and whispered,_

_"I didn't know he was interested in reading a book!"_

_Levi's mouth was open to surprise; he couldn't understand what he heard._

_“Does that mean Mike knows him?”_

_But he wasn't satisfied to ask about it. Any move that showed his attention to the man could reveal his feeling. Mike sniffed, turned to Levi, and laughing as he saw his red cheeks,_

_"Levi! Change is a very good thing. Just be careful that this change will not turn your life into hell" he said and winked then after a little talk with his friends got out of the coffee shop._

Hanji was still going on while Levi was in deep shock.

_Why does Mike say that? Does that mean he knew everything? Maybe Petra had said something... What does he mean by hell? What does he know about that man? Am I... Doing something wrong?_

In his thoughts, he repeated Mike's words and remembered the blonde man's face. He was anxious and confused; he no longer recognized right and wrong. He wanted to be with the man with all his existence, but the fear that had crept in his heart prevented him from taking a step towards him. Maybe Mike didn't know anything and just because homosexuality was forbidden, he had said that. That was the only thing Levi could think to please himself.

Hanji slapped Levi's arm with the back of her hand and protested, 

"Levi! Why don't you listen to me?" 

Levi looked at her; Hanji was kind even when she got angry. He sneered, 

"Do you expect me to hear the nonsense you make?" 

Hanji sighed, "Ok... As if you prefer loneliness. I go; and think so too, so you can sleep!" and she got up to go, Levi called her quietly.

Hanji looked at him, Levi had his head down, and his hand was trembling. Tiredness was coming from his eyes; he had removed the indifference mask from his face, and she could see his weakness. She felt pity and said in a pitiful tone, 

"Do you want to say something?" 

"I need to talk to you" Levi said.

Hanji's eyes sparkled; she smiled as sat down, 

"Say it, I’ll listen!" she said with curiosity.

Levi rubbed the cup in his hand awkwardly, paused a little and stuttered, 

"I... Really ... I... Well, you know ..."

"Levi! Hurry up and tell me!" Hanji said loudly.

Levi took a deep breath, "Hanji ... I indeed, I ... like someone ..." and closed his eyes.

He was waiting for Hanji's reaction. There was a moment of silence. Hanji was still staring at him, suddenly screaming and laughing loudly. Levi jumped and looked at her in horror, 

"Wow Levi! This is great! You finally unlocked your heart. I can't believe it, I'm so happy for you!” she shouted and went to Levi and hugged him.

Levi turned her down and protested, "Let me go you crazy!" 

Hanji sat beside him and looked at him kindly, 

"That's it so. I see you are getting weird these days.” 

She put her hand under her chin and continued with great eagerness, “Keep going. Tell me what she looks like!" 

_She!?_

With hearing this sentence his heartbeat became severe.

_She thought I was talking about a girl?_

He paused a little, "Well... tall and blond with blue eyes and wide... Eyebrows!" a smile sat on Levi's lips; he enjoyed the description of the man he loved.

"Wide eyebrows?! So sexy! So where did you get to know each other?" Hanji said.

"We meet at the coffee shop every day"

"Well, did you go out with her?"

"No," Levi said sadly, "We don't talk at all!"

Hanji frowned, "Levi! You're trouble! Do you expect her to come to you?"

Levi looked at her,

"Is there a... Problem?"

Hanji narrowed his eyes, "Well, yeah! You have to be a leader as a man. Of course, she can too, but you know the girls are a little shy!"

Levi lowered his head; a great sadness subsided in him. A big sadness appeared on his face and he felt empty. Hanji looked at him with curiosity. Levi sighed,

"That's the problem ... The one I mentioned ... is not a girl ... he is a man!"

Hanji was shocked, looked at him in silence for a moment. She did not know how to react to and she didn't want to blame him. After all, this was the Levi's first experience.

She laughed bitterly, "I see! I didn't know you liked men!"

Levi frowned, "I don't like men!" he said speedily, then he lowered his head and continued,

"I mean ... not every man ... I want to say ... he's different ... I know it's not normal at all... I know even ... I might get in trouble even by saying it but ... but Hanji ... you don't know... he's really different. There is something in his eyes ... a strange calm that I want to have ..."

He pressed the cup in his hand; as tears welled up in his eyes,

"I tried very hard to get that feeling out of myself. But he ... I feel so tired ... I feel he can... I feel he can comfort me ... what I really need ... I don't know ... But there is something in his eyes ... in his smile that attracts me. Hanji I really ... I really don't know what to do ... Can you help me?" he said in a trembling voice.

Hanji looked at Levi's red cheeks and his trembling shoulders. She saw shame in the existence of a man who had bent over from this doom. She stood up slowly,

"Can you forget him?"

Levi was silent for a moment then shook his head,

"No!"

Hanji continued, "Then tell him!"

Levi lifted his head and looked at Hanji with surprise.

"Tell him?"

Hanji smiled and nodded, "Yeah you should tell him. This is how you know what to do."

“How can I tell him? ... He ... If he..." he said impatiently.

Hanji brought her face close to Levi calmly,

"Are you afraid he will not accept you?"

Levi nodded. Hanji continued, "The relationship between two men is a little strange in itself, but if you want him so much you better do it. If he has a feeling for you, you get it; if not, you’ll find out you have to forget it. It’s better than being uncertain”

She went to Levi and put her hand on his shoulder, "Levi! Don't be afraid that he won't accept you. Anyway, he has a choice. You give him this right, don't you? If you keep going like this you will get hurt."

Then, she looked at her watch," It's late! I should go. If you could tell him then tell me how it went"

She smiled, kissing Levi's face and leaving him alone.

Levi remained motionless and reviewed Hanji's words in his mind.

The right to choose...

Even the words hurt. He had become more selfish than ever and could never accept that man give him the mitten. How could he refuse such pure love? Levi obligatory had to take to choose, either he would run the gauntlet or forget it forever. There was a fierce battle within him, and desperation overshadowed him more than ever.

It was cold and there was heavy snow. Levi had made his decision.

"Today I tell him how I feel. He certainly can't be indifferent."

He kept repeating it in his mind. His body was overwhelmed with fear and anxiety. He was sitting behind the counter waiting for his beloved to arrive.

He asked Petra for a cup of bitter coffee. Petra gave him the cup and sat down beside him. Levi drank a sip of coffee.

He wanted to taste whatever the man had experienced.

His eyebrows twitched and whispered, "It's bitter..."

Petra smiled, "I never saw you drink coffee."

Levi dropped the cup, "I just wanted to make a change."

Petra knew he was lying. She felt shame when she realized that Levi's heart was leaning towards that man and her heart was broken because she couldn't get the man she wanted. But she stayed with him because she now knew that he had been trapped in a love affair, he had become lonelier than ever.

The blonde man entered the coffee shop at the usual hour, closed his umbrella and sat down at the usual table. Levi delivered his usual order but his tongue was locked as he tried to speak.

He turned to the counter. Everything was repeated every day. He was looking at the blonde man. There was no book with him, he was gazing into space and sipping his coffee.

Anxiety had engulfed all of Levi's existence. No matter how much he tried to calm himself down, it was useless. He was breathing heavily and he was ashamed of wanting to express his interest in a man in public. He remembered Mike's words and hesitated to tell them to Hanji, and Hanji's words...

Fear had crept deep into his. He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply; he had to step on this pride and had to gamble once and for all. In an instant, he set everything aside. He was bound and determined to go to the blonde man's table.

His legs were trembling. He stood by the table and looked at him; this man seemed to be more desirable than ever. The blond man peeked into one standing next to him then lifted his head, raised an eyebrow and stared at Levi.

Levi gulped, mustered all his strength to speak before his heart stop. There was a cold sweat on his forehead. The blond kept looking at him and waiting to see what Levi was going to say.

Levi opened his mouth, but his voice was locked in the choking noise inside him. He couldn't even say a word. Ashamed of the failed attempt, he hanged his head and returned to the counter.

Petra was watching but didn't say anything. She knew that Levi was trying to calm himself down in a deadly explosion.

The blonde man looked at Levi for a moment. Then, he got up, grabbed his umbrella and ran out of the coffee shop.

Levi turned his head and saw him go. He could not miss this opportunity; he had to get it out of his system. He ran towards the door; in the middle of the way lost his balance and fell to the ground. Petra called him anxiously and took a few steps towards him. Levi quickly jumped out of the coffee shop.

The blonde man was still not far away; he turned to him and shouted,

"Wait!"

The blonde man stopped moving. He had the umbrella on his head. Slowly he turned to Levi who was standing a few steps away from him.

Levi had clenched his fists, his lips were trembling. Snowflakes covered his whole body. He looked at the blonde man; he wanted to hug him, hold his hand and prevent him from going. He wanted to watch him more, but he knew he wouldn't wait for him.

The blonde man watched Levi in silence. Levi opened his mouth; he wanted to say

_'I love you'_

But the words couldn't fit in his mouth;

"I ... want ... to know your name" he said haltingly.

Hearing this sentence, sadness sat in the blonde man's eyes, so clear that Levi could see and it made him even more anxious.

He smiled bitterly,

"Erwin ... Erwin Smith" he said.

A faint smile settled on Levi's lips and he lowered his head. Erwin looked at him for a moment and continued on his way. At that moment, Levi said tonelessly that he could hardly hear himself saying,

"My name ..."

But it did not go on, because Erwin had left Levi without hearing it. Levi watched him go. Now he knew his name.

"Erwin..."

His name kept ringing in his ears.

Petra ran towards Levi; she grabbed him by the arm and dragged him inside the building. She shook the snow off his head and shoulder,

"Are you out of your mind? You are going to get sick!" she said angrily.

As they stood by the counter, Levi seated quietly, leaning his hand on the counter and his head on his arm. Flagon grinned, opened his mouth to speak, but Petra stopped him.

A silly smile was engraved in Levi's mouth, and he kept repeating Erwin's name.

That night the house was filled with the light. The music was playing smoothly and Levi had nothing to do but to rotate and dance. For a long time, he hadn't laughed so. Maybe after a long time, he can sleep well. He felt joy with his whole being, and from Erwin's thought, blood flowed across his veins.

He told himself tomorrow he would tell him how much he loved him...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for your attention!   
> I don't know how that is, but I hope you guys like it :)


	4. Chapter 4

He opened his eyes and smiled, wrapped himself in a blanket and felt the reflection of the morning light on his face. He stretched his body and got out of bed; he took a shower and sat on the sofa for a while. As he slowly dried his hair he stared into space and thought of Erwin.

He remembered all of his moods and smiles; he went to the kitchen, prepared a good breakfast and glanced at the fridge before sitting down at the table. His eyes fell on the vodka bottle, and he wished to drink some of it. He rarely had a craving for alcohol. Held it in his hand for a while and, hesitant to drink it, remembered that he had to leave soon. He put the bottle next to the stove, finished his breakfast and in a hurry and he was ready to go.

He was counting the minutes to see Erwin, he was thinking of different things that could break the ice, like sitting down and drinking tea with him. More lively than ever, he came to the coffee shop. Every second that passed was like a year for him, and he was impatient to reach the appointed time. A few hours passed.

Levi sat in a corner slowly to relieve his exhaustion. He looked at his phone. Hanji had called him several times, he rang her. Hanji quickly picked up the phone and started shouting so that even others could hear it.

"Where are you? Why aren't you answering the phone?"

Levi rolled his eyes, "What's wrong? Why are you screaming so much? You see I'm available now! Spit it out, what the hell do you want?" he said impatiently.

Levi's eyes opened with surprise. He stared at the corner in pale skin and stood. Petra and Flagon looked at him with wonder, "A fire?" Levi said.

Petra turned to him with concern and gazed into his mouth.

Levi continued, "Should I come there?" and looked at the clock.

Erwin might have come at any moment. He hung up, stared at the ground and tried to settle up his thoughts. How could he go without seeing Erwin? The house was burnt anyway and what was the benefit of going there? But he couldn't stay. It seemed he was standing on fire. Restless and anxious he kept looking at the clock.

He was pale and his tongue didn't rotate in his mouth. Flagon looked at him furiously,

"You idiot! Why are you standing there like that? Hurry up!”

Levi looked at him. He didn't hear his word; he just saw that his mouth was jolting. He wanted to see Erwin and go but he couldn't wait. Dragging his feet then stepped out of the coffee shop.

“It’s okay! Tomorrow ... Tomorrow I can see Erwin! I'm sure I can endure one day!” he said to himself.

He quickly went home and entered the apartment. Hanji came out in anger with a frowning face.

"Where were you, Levi? Do you see what you did? Do you know what could have happen?”

Levi looked at the burns. The kitchen and a small part of the house were burnt down. Hanji kept yelling.

"You screamed so much as I thought the whole building was gone!" Levi said. Hanji Giggled,

"Levi! That's not a small thing. It was lucky for you that I was at home today; otherwise, the whole building could burn. I quickly found out about this and called the fire department and I see you were so distracted that you caused it happen! You have to thank God and thank me!"

Levi thought a little. He suspected that he had turned off the stove and remembered that he had put a bottle of vodka next to the stove. He bit his lip, closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

It was easy to imagine that the danger passed. He angrily turned to Hanji, who was still lecturing,

"Stop it! You talked my head off! If you're waiting for gratitude, okay, thank you! Now shut your fucking mouth! Let me think about this situation!"

Hanji went silent; he took a few steps, "Do you want to stay at my house for a while?" she said.

"No!" Levi said boldly. "Only a small corner burned. The whole house is not ruined, I don’t have to come and tolerate you!"

Hanji turned to him and pointed an accusing finger in front of his eyes,

"I don't want to see you get distracted anymore, you short stuff! Because your angel of salvation may not be at home and you will be miserable. Let me tell you..." she said threateningly.

Levi pressed his eyes together, interrupted Hanji, and shouted,

"It’s better to close your shitty mouth, you four-eyes whore! I don't need you to remind me of anything! Don't be so self-absorbed or else I'll cook your goose! By the way, I'm keeping an eye on everything! You no longer have the right to call me short stuff!"

Hanji paused for a moment and then chuckle, "short stuff! You will never change."

Levi yelled, "Get out of my house!" Hanji laughed and went to the door, "After all, tell me if you want something. You know the door of my house is always open to you."

"I know ..." Levi whispered. Hanji went and closed the door.

Levi had to clean the house. He quickly made himself at home but had left his soul in the coffee shop. He was thinking of Erwin and the opportunity that missed to see him. He sat on the couch after he had arranged everything. He was tired and thirsty and turning the bottle of water in his hand and thought.

He wanted to call Petra and ask her about Erwin, but he was hesitant, he fought with himself a little; drank a sip of water and finally called Petra. Petra picked up the phone, "Levi? Everything is OK?"

"Yeah. No problem. There was a slight burn, It's fine"

"Are you alright? Are you hurt? Do you want to come to our house for a while?" Levi shook his head quietly, "No Petra, it's all right, don't worry."

"Okay, I'm feeling comfortable"

Levi was silent for a while then continued, "Petra ... I want to ... ask you something" he said hesitantly.

"Go ahead" Petra calmly replied.

Levi didn't know what to say, "Well ... I wanted to ask you... he ... well, you know ... I want to know that ..."

Petra interrupted him, "He didn't come today!"

Levi threw a fit. His mouth was open. After a moment of silence, Petra continued, "If your question is whether that man has come here today, I must say that he has not come. Levi!"

Levi swallowed, closed his eyes, "Okay... Okay, doesn’t matter. Umm... Goodnight Petra. See you tomorrow” he said quietly and hung up the phone.

His head was heavy. Many thoughts rushed through his mind and his whole body began to shake. He was both confused and upset over Erwin's not coming to the coffee shop. The subconscious remembered Erwin's eyes and the sadness he had seen. He was scared but shrugged it off.

_Maybe something happened_!

But he couldn't believe it. A huge amount of anxiety overwhelmed him, He felt good about not being at the coffee shop and Erwin's not coming but was frightened that it might happen again. He would calm himself down, "He'll be coming tomorrow ... I know ... he’ll ... come!"

He had been trying to calm his thoughts all night maybe he could sleep a little but it's useless.

He went to the coffee shop tiredly. Petra turned to him and greeted, and Levi assured her that everything was under control. He was impatient to see Erwin, he wished he would come and mess up all his mental equations. He was calculating the minutes to be relieved and breathe easy. Levi had been waiting for Erwin all day. Whenever the door was opening, he hurried back to it to see him but,

Erwin didn't come.

A few hours had passed since his usual arrival. Levi was sitting and staring at the door. The sadness was flashing in his eyes; he was so broken down that he might cry with the slightest flip. He went home without talking to anyone, sat in the silence of the house and he was reviewing the reasons for Erwin's not coming.

The more he thought about it, the more he was disappointed. He put his head on his knee and hided his face. His view on love people had changed, and the _'expectation'_ of what he had always looked at it in inferiority ignited his existence more than anything.

"Why... Why do they all leave me?" as he wept, he said to himself.

He thought he didn't deserve this pain and became more distrustful of his feelings every moment.

He was standing in a corner and taking a deep breath. In the pursuit of the inaccessible tranquility from Erwin, he lost what he had.

"Your behavior is unbearable! You piece of the shit! It's not others' concern that your lover ditched you!" Flagon angrily called out.

Upon hearing this, Levi was startled. He took a few steps and shouted,

"Shut the fuck up! You bitch man! If you fed up with your worthless life, then I have no problem shedding your blood! If you are afraid of dying then it's better to tear that mouth off and shut it fuck up, you mother fucker!” and threw the notebook toward him.

Flagon got angry and shouted, "What the fuck did you say, you little shit?!" and stormed off to Levi and slapped him hard. Levi quickly turned his gaze and punched a hard fist on his belly.

Flagon wrapped himself in pain and bent over his knees. He got up to answer Levi's fist as Petra throw herself forward and pushed Flagon back with all his might,

"Flagon! I beg you! Leave him. He's not feeling well” she shouted. Flagon tried to push Petra away, but she resisted,

"Levi! Knock it off for God's sake! Please go out!” she said aloud. The fight had frightened customers. Levi looked around and walked out of the coffee shop.

He walked to get a little calmer; he was literally fucked up and felt ashamed. Flagon was dragging Erwin into this issue and this was exactly what made Levi angry to death.

Shortly thereafter, he returned to the coffee shop while still touching his slapped face. He could see Flagon was looking at him furiously, rolled his eyes and saw Petra talking to Pixis; he sat down and waited.

"Mr. Ackerman, I warn you," Pixis said dryly. "If you don't reconsider your behavior, I'll have to reconsider your working here.”

Levi wanted to insult him; he was heartbroken at the fact that no one understood him and the pain he was suffering from. He lowered his head "I understand ... I'm ... Sorry" he couldn't lose his job. So, he apologized.

On the evening of a snowy day, Levi was doing his job in a deadly silence. He was unwell from the morning he woke up. Every time he looked at the table Erwin was sitting on, his heart was squeezed. Every day without Erwin was like a year for him. Slowly he went to the table and sat down on Erwin's chair. He was drowned in his thoughts, didn't care about others watching his behavior and was not afraid to reveal his feelings.

He put his hand on the table and touched it slightly, where Erwin had already touched. Placed his head on the table and closed his eyes. He thought he was in Erwin's arms.

"Erwin! Where the hell are you?! Bastard!" he hushed whisper, soon he fell asleep.

Tears were flowing from the corner of his eyes.

He woke up by Petra's voice. Petra stared at him with a look of pity. "Are you okay, Levi?" Levi's eyes were red, and he had a strange sense of confusion. He felt that his body had turned into a brick kiln, and sweat was sitting on his forehead.

He was dizzy and couldn't see properly; he held his head with his hand, "its fine... I'm just a little dizzy." he said with guttural voice.

Petra put her hand on Levi's hot forehead, "You have a high fever! Do you want to go to the hospital?"

Levi shook his head, "No. Maybe, it's because of fatigue. Maybe, Maybe I caught a cold; if I fall asleep I'll be alright” and got up to get ready.

He felt dizzy and sat down again. Before Petra could speak, he kept his balance, wore his jacket and got out of the coffee shop. As he walked out, Petra anxiously reminded him to take care of himself.

He barely made himself home, he was pale and his body was hot; he had dizziness, a feeling of nausea and he was breathing hard. He opened the door, but couldn't close it; as he stumbled, made his way to the bathroom. There wasn't much in his stomach but he vomited whatever it was. His lips were trembling; he was bent over, sweating severity and shaking.

He was sitting on the floor and unable to move, he crawled hard on the ground and came out of the bathroom. Laid down beside the bathroom door and tried to take a deep breath. His whole body was in pain.

He barely took his phone out of his pocket and called Hanji. Hanji's voice came from behind the line,

"Hello? Levi! Why don’t you talk? Are you okay? ... Hello?" Levi gasped and could only say,

"Home..." his eyes were blurry.

Before he was unconscious, he noticed someone approach him and calling his name. Everywhere became dark and he heard nothing anymore.

When he opened his eyes, he was lying on the bed and didn't remember much. His body was aching a little bit and it was difficult for him to move. He looked around. There were plenty of pills and medicines beside his bed; he took a breath and sat quietly.

He was unable to move and became extremely thirsty and powerless. There were dark circles around his eyes. His body was sweaty and his hair was clinging to his head. He took the bottle of water next to his bed and drank a sip. Moments later, Hanji entered the room with a tray in her hand.

She looked at Levi happily, "You finally woke up?" she put the tray next to Levi's bed,

"Look! I cooked soup for you. I don't know if it's delicious or not, but it is edible.” and as her cheeks were blushing, laughed softly.

Levi looked at the tray; there were a bowl of soup and some toast. Hanji continued,

"You had a fever, Levi! For two days you got sick. The doctor prescribed a lot of medicine for you. Because you don't take care of yourself, your body's immunity is weakened and you get sick. This soup is nourishing. Eat it to get better." she sat down beside him.

"Have you been nursing me for these two days?"

Hanji laughed, "Yeah! Can anyone else take care of the badass like you?"

She pointed to the key, "I had to take your key because I could come here" and continued, as she looked at Levi kindly, "Everyone was worried about you. Petra came to see you and still keeps asking about you; Mike came to see you a few times. Others called a few times too. In short, I’ve become the secretary of Your Highness! You have good friends, but you don’t appreciate them!"

Levi snapped a little, "I have to take a shower"

"After eating the soup," Hanji said with firm domination,

"Don't think you can wriggle off the hook! Did you see yourself in the mirror? You look like a skeleton!” Levi glanced at her then nodded and picked up the soup bowl. Slowly began to eat.

Hanji kept looking at him. Levi was in a terrible situation. He looked slimmer than before, and like a child being punished, secluded the corner of the bed. She lowered her head and sight quietly,

"You didn’t say his name is Erwin!"

Levi remained motionless. He lifted his head and looked at Hanji.

"In that sickness, you kept calling his name all the time" Hanji smiled.

Levi lowered his head. A tear slid out of the corner of his eye, "I asked him his name. But he didn't show up anymore" Hanji looked at him sadly.

Levi smiled bitterly, "He's a jerk! Isn't he?" and as the sigh came out of his mouth he continued, "Well, what can be done! I'm not that cute"

"Of course you are! Because of the behavior of someone you can’t say such a thing! Look around to see how many people are ready to die for you." Hanji said sharply.

Then, she put her hand on Levi's hand "Don't think about that"

Levi looked at her "Can I take a shower now?" Hanji nodded.

"I have to go somewhere. Call me if you need anything. Don't forget to rest. Also, finish the soup." Levi nodded and Hanji went out.

Levi came out of bed calmly; he had still a little dizzied. He went to the bathroom and took off his clothes, stood under the shower of warm water and let the warmth of the water touch his whole body. He felt was getting revived. He took a shower, went out of the bathroom and sat down on the sofa while he was still thinking of Erwin; thinking about how lonely he felt. He wanted to open his eyes and see that all this was nothing but a nightmare.

While he was closing his eyes slowly, he was seeking refuge in the silence of his home.

He didn’t know this was only the beginning. 


	5. Chapter 5

Without saying a word, he slowly changed his cloth. When he left the room, Hanji looked at him impatiently,

"You haven't got better yet"

Levi clicked his tongue, "I'm fine. I'm tired of staying at home." and as staring into Hanji's worried eyes, continued, “Nothing will happen Hanji. I'm really good." 

"Okay then ..." Hanji smiled.

Levi turned to Hanji and hugged her. Hanji was surprised but didn't say anything.

"Thank you for being by my side!" he whispered.

Hanji smiled and put her hand to her face to hide her blushed cheeks, "Friends are for this."

He was slowly going to the coffee shop. His face was hidden behind the scarf, and he was thinking of Erwin. He was so upset that he could cry at any moment. On the way, he noticed a little girl with a basket in her hand that she was selling flowers. A little girl with blond hair woven on both sides of her head and knit hat came to Levi,

"Sir, do you want to buy some flowers?"

Levi looked at the flowers, paused for a moment and nodded. Picked up a few red camellia flowers and continued on his way.

When he entered the coffee shop, Petra turned to him and smiled,

"Levi! Thank God you are okay. We were very worried.” and looked at the flowers in Levi's hand,

“What beautiful flowers!”

Levi cut off a branch and gave it to Petra. Petra's cheeks became red and grabbed the flower branch, "Thank you" then returned to the counter.

Levi put the flowers in the pot and looked around. His eyes fell on Erwin's empty table; he felt his heart squeeze. He went to the table and put the pot on it. When he came to the counter, Petra said with a certain tone,

"Today... is he going to come?"

Levi shook his head and sighed; "I think he'll never come again" he turned his face as he tried to hide his tears and continued in a crying voice,

"Sorry Petra ... I know I've disappointed you. I ... shouldn't talk to you about him." Petra smiled bitterly,

"No problem. I'll always listen to you if you want to talk about it.”

Levi nodded and walked over to the customer who had just arrived at the coffee shop.

Although he had no hope of Erwin coming, he waited for him. He thought to himself that he might finally come, but it was useless. Petra put a glass of juice next to Levi's hand,

"Why aren't you doing something to make yourself better, Levi? Isn't it better to be a little carefree instead of thinking so much?"

"What do you think I can do?" Levi said.

Petra continued, "There's a lot of work to be done. For example, read a book, go to the cinema, go out with the guys, and go on a trip or even ... you can go to the beach to get some drinks."

She glanced to him, "Of course I don’t recommend the sea because it’s cold now and you are just recovering; you may get sick again."

The word beach was ringing in Levi's mind. How long had he not gone to beach? Sometimes, he went there to calm his soul, but he didn't like it.

He was afraid of the sea.

There was a vague memory of past years that playing with his mother by the sea, but he had lost his mother. And Farlan, his childhood friend who always watched the sea and played kites with him; he had died of cancer a few years ago.

The name of the sea reminded him of his loneliness. He thought that the sea would take whatever he liked from him. But what was the difference now? He could go alone to watch the sunset to have a heart-to-heart with it. Perhaps this time the sea will take his sorrows with itself.

He walked towards the beach near dusk. He could watch the sunset a little in the silence. Just above the sands was a wooden plate. Benches were several meters apart on a wooden board, and anyone who wished to watch the sea could sit for hours on a chair or take a sunbath on the beach sands. At dusk in the winter, fewer people came to watch the sea.

Slowly he stepped into the sand and walked to the beach to sit. He raised his head and mesmerized. His eyes widened and his body became numb.

A few meters away from him, Erwin was sitting on a chair watching the sea.

He closed his eyes and turned his face around; he thought it was delusions then looked again. It was not a dream; Erwin was sitting there and not moving. He was wearing a black jacket, black jeans and a blue shirt that was lighter than his eyes. His one leg was resting on the other, had put his elbows on the chair and opened his arms. He had gazed into the sea with indescribable peace as if he couldn’t overlook it. The gentle breeze danced to his golden hair that had more shine in the dim sunlight. Levi's body was loose and shivering.

The fat tears gleaming in his eyes, couldn't believe he could see Erwin again.

He wanted to go to him and hug him, he wanted to slap him hard and ask why he had suddenly disappeared. He wanted to tell him what he was suffering from; he took a step towards him but suddenly stopped. He was afraid to extend his hand to him, and he disappears.

Feared that he would not see him again, he stepped back.

As he wept and whispered Erwin's name, he stood beside the bench and sat quietly on the ground. He tried to hide behind it. The chairs were parallel to each other, and though he was a few chairs away, he could look at Erwin's profile well.

He was afraid that Erwin would see him and run away. It was enough for him to see him. Even as a fire erupted inside him and the craving for embracing him burned every cell in his body, he crawled into a corner and shivered.

He just wanted to watch him. When the sun went down, Erwin moved and stood without turning his eyes around. He put his hand in his pocket and slowly walked away.

Levi waited until he disappeared and then sat down on the chair. He was crying and laughing in tears, he was both happy and sad, would say to himself that I wish it was sunny every day and that he would come to watch the sunset.

But what if he doesn't come again? Did he miss this opportunity forever? If this man loves the sea he will return. He regretted it for a moment but relaxed as he thought about his returning.

When he got at home, he lolled on the sofa. It was as if he had woken up from sweet sleep. He felt hungry, put his hand on his stomach and smiled. He had lost his appetite for some time, but now with the emergence of glimmers of hope, he could return to normal life. He walked over to the burnt-out kitchen and rummaged everywhere.

He had been craving French toast. It took a while to get it ready; He poured a drink for himself and started a small celebration. He was thinking of Erwin and the strange passion he felt for being with him, he wanted to immerse himself in his world to realize what the secret to endless peace is.

Levi was seeing Erwin as a mountain and found himself in a frightened, wind-driven kite; he wished he could stay in Erwin's arms forever.

In the morning, he jolted awake with great excitement and went straight to the window. He looked at the sky, it was half sunny.

"My beautiful sun! Remember, you must not go under the clouds!” he said with a smile.

He walked lightly on the ground as if he had lost weight. If he was lucky, he could see Erwin again.

He was doing his duties throughout the day and got nothing to do with anyone, but because he was happy, he surprised everyone. When it was near sunset, he got ready to go. As he tried to get out of the coffee shop, he saw that Mike opened the door and entered.

He paused and turned to him. As soon as he saw Levi, he wanted to say something that Levi interrupted him,

"Oh Mike! Thank you for visiting me several times when I was sick!” and headed toward the door.

"Levi! I need to talk to you." Mike said.

Levi opened the door, "I don't have time right now and I have to go somewhere. We'll talk later" and started to run.

It was rare to he sees Mike distracted. His mind was a little busy but sold it short. He had no opportunity to address anyone other than Erwin.

Before sunset, he reached the shore. He hoped to see him.

Erwin was there.

Again, he was sitting in front of the sea with sheer peace in watching the sunset. A smile sat on Levi's lips; he took refuge in a bench and leaned back. Was feeling his heart could come out of his mouth. He could run to him at any moment, but he hesitated. The fear of losing him again made him anxious.

Erwin was calm but sad; he was watching the sea with a heavy look. He was like someone who had hidden words in his heart for countless years on the verge of a big eruption, but his lips were sealed. Levi looked at him until the tall man, still indifferent, made his way and left.

Levi didn't remember Mike anymore.

He forgot to answer his message. The thing he did every day was hiding in a corner and watch Erwin without him noticing, and he didn't sleep from the anxiety of rainy nights. He consoled himself that he could see him until Erwin came to shore,

But he was tired of this struggle from the bottom of his heart.

He wanted to tell him how he felt, wanted to be by his side to always, and he no longer bothered to see him. But he was afraid to step up and lose that little hope of seeing him. If he could describe his feelings for Erwin, if he could let him know how much he loved him, he might as well have been content to stay and save Levi from this grueling lonely.

He was repeating to himself,

"If he leaves me alone after he finds out what I'm feeling... I won’t even whisper his name anymore"

He wanted to take a leap in the dark and talk to him, although he jumped out of his skin from the rush of fear into his heart.

During the day he was thinking about how to open up the conversation. He grasped various subjects and in his mind embodied different behaviors of Erwin, wished Erwin would come and accept him. Anxiety had engulfed his whole body.

Near sunset, he ran out of the coffee shop impatiently. It was sunny but cold. When he reached the sea, he felt the breeze on his cheek. As always, Erwin was sitting on a bench watching the sea.

Levi waited for a little, take a deep breath to calm himself. As he tried to move towards him, his body began to shudder. He was feeling his heart was in his throat, and the words he wanted to say were constantly in his mind.

He was looking at Erwin. It would have been nice if he could have had some of that dream peace. Slowly he walked towards Erwin. The closer he got, the harder it was for him to breathe.

He stood by the chair where Erwin was sitting at, looked at him a little. Erwin was still staring at the sea, not even turning his head. Levi opened his mouth to speak, but he could not and remained silent. He wanted to call his name.

Erwin smiled,

"I didn't know you enjoyed watching the sunset!" he said in a deep and clear voice.

Levi was frozen; Erwin's voice relaxed him like the water that had been poured on the fire. How much he missed his voice. He looked at him with open mouth. Erwin didn't even look at him, so how did he know who was talking to? Erwin turned his head and looked at Levi with a smile.

"You... How did you find out that I...?” Levi said shivering.

Erwin turned his head to the sea and beamed,

"It would be nice if these benches could really hide anyone, but would anything in this world also be hidden?"

Levi still was looking at him.

Erwin had been aware of his presence all this time, and Levi thought could hide. He was relieved to learn that Erwin was aware of his presence, but had come back to the sea and didn't hide. Erwin chuckled,

"You've thinner!"

Levi looked at him in surprise. What a strange man! Although he rarely looked at him, he remembered all the details. He hesitated a little and sat down slowly beside Erwin. Erwin was looking at the sea and Levi at him.

He bit his lip and looked at Erwin, who was gazing into the sea.

"Why... Why didn't you come to the coffee shop anymore?"

Erwin chuckled softly. Levi watched his giggle, and he was more interested in him. Erwin looked at Levi then turned his gaze to the sea,

“Maybe... because your coffee was so bitter!”

_Bastard! Do you know what happened to me this time?_

He smiled softly, "Sugar is used in this case!" Erwin nodded, "I love every flavor, original"

Levi looked at him, he wanted these moments to never end. He couldn't believe that he was sitting next to Erwin and talking to him. It was as if he was dreaming and wishing would never wake up from this dream. He wanted to talk to him for hours.

"You love to watch the sunset, don't you?" He sighed.

"Well, there are pleasures in the world that one should experience. That's one of them.” Erwin said and smiled.

Levi looked at him, "But when you are alone, it's not pleasant." Erwin paused for a moment; he wasn't looking at Levi,

"Are you afraid of being alone?"

Levi chuckled, "I got used to it. The fact is... People are always alone. When they are born or when they die. Whoever it is in their lives, one day finally leaves them alone."

Erwin didn't say anything. Levi tilted forward and leaned his arms against the edge of the couch, while he was staring at the sea continued,

"A long time ago, we went to sea with my mother and then with my best friend but after them, I don't like watching the sea anymore." Erwin nodded, "Where are they now?"

“It's been a long time since they’ve died”

Erwin smiled, "Well... It's okay. Instead, there's something that's always with you, never leaves you; from birth to death"

He lowered his head and continued, "If you get tired of people for a while you can see it and dance with it!"

Levi looked at him and asked with curiosity, "What is it?" Erwin narrowed his eyes, "Your shadow!" Levi grinned; turned his gaze softly, "I have no shadow! Even that sometimes leaves you."

"Well, it has a simple solution! Stay in the light!”

They both looked at each other and laughed. Levi rolled his eyes,

"It looks like you love the shadows, eyebrow!" Erwin sighed,

"Not really! The world of shadows isn't pretty at all. Sometimes the people themselves become shadows; they crawl at a spot and see the rotting of their bodies and dreams. But even they can think that if there is the only one in the world to care about them, there is still hope for continuing of life."

Levi was surprised. Erwin's words were not like those around him; strange and full of painful sarcasm, but it made Levi eager to hear them. He wanted to put his head on his chest and hear his heartbeat. It was more pleasant to watch this man than anything else in the world to him. He smiled quietly,

"Losing the dream is a painful thing... Everyone is afraid of it... Maybe... You are afraid too; right?"

Erwin shook his head, "People who are drowning in their dreams are scared. The more your dreams are, the more your fears will grow" he touched the corner of his eyebrow with his finger and continued,

"To people like me who have no wish, fear is meaningless."

Levi's eyes had widened. Can anyone don't have any wishes? So, what could be the purpose of continuing life? He looked into Erwin's eyes.

This man either fulfilled his wish or despaired of it because no matter how much he searched deep into his eyes, there was no sign of hope or happiness, there was only sheer indifference.

He leaned back against the couch, "Well, now that you have no such fear, is there anything else to fear?"

Erwin was silent for a moment, pressed his lips together,

"Memory..." he said quietly.

Levi turned to Erwin surprisingly, "Memory? Why?"

Erwin snicker, "Well you know... Memories have the power to kill people ." Then, whispered in Levi's ear,

"Just between you and me... Memories are my biggest enemy!" Levi was confused. He puckered up his lips and frowned

"Are you off your head?! Do you read a lot of stories?" he turned to the sea and continued,

"Memory is what you are. It shows you exactly who you are and where you stood."

Erwin lowered his head "That's right!" Sadness was flashing in his eyes.

Levi looked at him. It wasn't for nothing that he felt Erwin was different from everyone he knew; a man with strange thoughts who feared his memories and had no choice but to flee. The more he knew about this man, the more desires he had for being with him.

"It's fine. When time passes, everything will be all right. Then maybe you wouldn't look at them as an enemy again!" Levi said.

Erwin gazed at the sea with his mouth wide open,

"Time... Exactly is the second thing I'm afraid of!"

Levi couldn't answer. What did this man's words mean? He didn't seem to be stupid. Erwin glanced at Levi and continued,

"Do you know why? Because it's going terribly fast! It burns so many opportunities this way. Am I right?” Levi raised one of his eyebrows,

“Are you crazy?”

Erwin simpered. He turned his stare to the sea and said nothing.

_Crazy? I don't think... But I'd rather you think so..._

Levi kept looking at him. This strange man was exactly who he wanted with all his being. Even though he was mysterious and alone, with a heart full of indescribable pain and a brain full of indiscernible words, one who that in endless tranquility had sought refuge in his only trench, silence; but Levi's existence was filling with joy and happiness when he was with him. Every moment that was passing he was in love with him more.

Levi was staring at Erwin's hands and could no longer wish for them alone. He was afraid that Erwin would leave again, and he would lose the opportunity to touch his hands.

His trembling hands rested gently on Erwin's hand. They were relatively warm. It was as if this cold had little effect on him.

His heart was jumping up and down in his chest. Erwin looked at Levi's hands and his slender fingers. He put his other hand on Levi's frozen hand and squeezed it. Levi felt his stomach shrink and tears welled up in his eyes. It felt weird, he felt a strange calm, and the warmth of Erwin's hand made it difficult for him to breath.

"You have to get used to losing. Until you don’t become indifferent, the world will take everything you have” Erwin said and stared into Levi's eyes.

Levi was seeing something in his eyes that he couldn't quite make out.

He felt his heart stop moving, he didn't want to lose anything and wanted to have Erwin forever. He couldn't answer and just stared at him. Erwin turned his gaze and slowly got up, looked at Levi with a weak smile

"It was a good talk. I have to go now." as he tidied up his jacket he moved a little further from him.

Levi couldn’t see him go. Erwin's departure had become the biggest fear of his life. Was it a cruel farewell? He got up and called him. Erwin stopped but didn’t look back and waited to hear his words.

_Do you still want to continue?_ Erwin thought.

Tears was flowing from Levi's eyes, he approached Erwin, grabbed both sides of his jacket, leaned his forehead on Erwin's back and hid his face. Erwin stood motionless and said nothing. Levi was crying and his heartbeat was so loud that he thought Erwin could hear it. His hands were trembling.

"Er... Erwin... Don't go... please..." he said with a lump in his throat.

A huge sadness sat on the blonde man's face.

His eyebrows tangled and he closed his eyes. For a moment he hesitated and bit his lip. Despair was pouring out of his eyes; he sighed and turned to Levi.

Levi looked at him; the blonde man was taller than him a head and shoulder. Erwin smiled,

"You are impatient like kids!"

Levi lowered his head; he couldn't look at Erwin's eyes for a long time. Erwin leaned slightly toward Levi, grabbed his chin and raised his head. Levi's eyes were round and his heart was beating fast. Erwin gazed at Levi's eyes,

"What's your name?" Levi's eyes twinkled, Erwin had asked for his name.

_He wants to know my name! Does that mean he cares about me? Does he want to remember me?_

"Levi... Just ... Levi..."

"Levi..." Erwin repeated, stared in his eyes "You have beautiful eyes!"

Levi remained motionless. Erwin removed his hand from Levi's chin and straightened his spine. He turned a moment later and was ready to go. As he turned his back to Levi, he cocked his face to one side without looking directly at Levi,

“I come here every day to watch the sunset and the sea, come rain or shine. If you wish you can join me" then he left him without waiting for an answer.

Levi had sunken in consternation. He couldn't believe it; he could still see Erwin and was feeling excited about having accepted his love. Happiness tears were streaming down his eyes as he placed his hand on his chin and touched it.

He didn't even know how he got home. It seemed like he was riding on clouds and flying. It was the first time he had experienced such a thrilling feeling.

He went dancing out happily, while he laughed, he was planning for the good days ahead.


	6. Chapter 6

He was standing in front of the mirror, tidying his hair and getting ready to go to the coffee shop. It had been a few days that he would meet Erwin by the sea at sunset. Cloudy, sunny or even rainy, it was no different; the date place was always by the sea.

He couldn’t believe that he was counting the hours to go to the sea that he had always fled of it. These days have become the best days of his life. He was happy and beside Erwin, he had a quiet lull with sweet anxiety that he was enjoying it.

He thought his days of happiness had begun.

He saw himself as a butterfly coming out of its lonely cocoon and smiling into life. These days he was smiling, laughing and could even sleep more easily than ever. Although he didn't know much about Erwin, he was glad to be able to see him and be by his side. They watched the sunset together, chatting and getting ready for the next day's date.

Erwin's words had changed his outlook on life and had created new hope within him. He had learned to love more and to see the beauty of the world. Loving people and the smallest things in the world, enjoying life, removing sadness and hoping for the future were things that could have been possible with Erwin.

He felt that he was distancing from the former sullen personality and even become more lovable; he liked this change so much and wanted to learn a lot from Erwin.

Erwin treated him as a close friend, but it was nothing to convince Levi. He wanted more from Erwin, wanted to know more about him, to embrace and touch him. The lust of kissing Erwin's lips, like a burning flame, was burning his existence; he even wanted Erwin to be with him all day.

But all he could see was a normal friendship.

It seemed that Erwin wanted to keep his distance from him despite the beautiful words he said; because every time he avoided talking about himself and their relationship; and this was a bit of a nuisance for Levi.

As if his words were different from what he was showing.

Levi was expecting mutual love, and every moment was looking for an opportunity to get closer to him.

_When you choose hope, everything is possible, always try to choose something that you will never regret because it will affect your future decisions. Who knows what is going to happen? That way no one can decide for you later. Hear this from someone who has the experience._

A sentence he had heard and loved from Erwin.

**The hope…**

It was the greatest gift he had received from Erwin, yet he wanted to know more about Erwin's experience...

Was it a choice full of regret or pride?

Hearing the sound of the door, he came out of his room. He knew there was no one behind the door except Hanji; he opened the door and saw Hanji smiling at him with a small box in her hand.

"You show up again, constant nuisance!"

He went to the room to pick up his phone, wallet, and keys. Hanji followed him to inside,

“Levi! Are you going your date today?"

Levi came out of the room and looked at her, "Yeah. As always!” he smiled then approached to Hanji,

"What's in your hand?"

Hanji laughed, as she slowly opened the box,

"Muffin! Looks great! Doesn't it?”

Levi nodded,

“Well?”

Hanji closed the box and explained;

“Moblit's mom baked them. He brought it to me. You can't imagine how delicious they are!”

Levi looked at Hanji's red cheeks,

"So what?! Do you expect me to walk on air now? Did you come this morning to say that Moblit has brought you these muffins? How stupid you are!"

Hanji laughed, "No, you fool! I came to give it to you!"

Levi looked at her in surprise, "To me? For what? Moblit gave it to you then you want to give it to me? I don't need them!"

"Moblit has brought me two boxes. I want to give it to you, too. Aren't you going to your date today? Well, take these with you; Erwin will sure to be happy"

Levi gawped for a moment, "It can't be..."

Hanji put the box in Levi's hands,

"Don't say hot air! I know you are terrible with relationship! With the knowledge I have of you, I'm sure you're always waiting for him to say something! So, you better have an excuse to open up the conversation then, you won't be bored anymore”

"Thank you so much for thinking about me! It looks like... You're not too dumb, shitty glasses!" he smiled shyly.

Hanji placed her hands on her hips and said as she walked out with dance,

"Levi! I hope you find happiness in your life. We wish you all the best"

Levi closed his eyes and inhaled a deep breath. After he had a bit of tea his breakfast, picked up his belongings and happily headed to the coffee shop. He could have stayed with Erwin more on the pretext of eating muffins and talking to him more. From the depths of his heart, he was grateful to Hanji.

As he exited the door, Hanji's voice came to his ear as she was talking to someone. Hanji's tone made him curious, and for a moment he hung his ear to listen to her conversations:

_“I understand! But you don't give me any reason for it at all."_

She paused and continued _,_

_"Listen to me. I know what Levi is doing is weird... maybe he's going down the wrong path. But think about it. It's the first time he is into a relationship and is experiencing love. Of course... it would have been much better if he had been in a relationship with a woman but he made his choice anyway. Wouldn't it be better for us to respect and support his decision than to distance ourselves from him? Do you really want him to always be sullen and lonely? I don't want to leave him alone because he doesn't love a woman!"_

The sound of her steep steps was clearly heard.

_"How much do you know **that man**? Are you sure this relationship will come to the pinch? If so, why don't you tell him yourself? Look, I don't want to break Levi's heart. You are both men, you understand each other, talk to him and convince him. I'm sure he understands that you don't want to hurt him. You are a real friend, Mike! Levi knows this”_

Levi went out of the apartment. He didn't want to hear the conversation go on, he was thinking about why Mike struggles like this and couldn't make out the reason for his opposition. How much did he know about Erwin? Wasn't Erwin really a good man? Did he really need to get away from him?

That couldn't be possible.

When he was thinking of Erwin, everything was changing, when he was thinking about seeing him again, he forgot everything and everyone. Erwin had become his whole world. No matter what others had to say, he would never leave Erwin.

He got into the coffee shop and started working; he was happy and energetic and used less of his nasty word. Everyone could see the change in his behavior and mood.

At sunset, after he had done his duty, he took a flask, poured the delicious tea he had prepared in it, put it next to Hanji's box, with two small cups, and was ready to go. All of Petra's attention was on Levi. She slowly approached him and asked,

"Um... Are you going to a special place?"

Levi looked at her and stood motionless. He thought for a while,

"Well... yeah. I have to go see somebody"

Petra glanced at Levi's eyes and asked with sadness,

"That... Who... Did you like?"

Levi didn't say anything. Petra lowered her head and continued,

"So... Finally you could be together." Levi was a little anxious,

"Petra, I..." A tear welled up in Petra's eyes. She interrupted Levi's words,

"Oh Levi! Well... I feel good about seeing you happy. I hope... I hope... You get your wishes" she said with an artificial smile turn her face.

Levi looked at her; he didn't want to see Petra sad. She was the only one who understood Levi in any situation. But he had made his choice and expected that Petra would be able to understand him again. Slowly he embraced her. Petra was puzzled for a moment but quickly relaxed in Levi's arms. It was enough for her to feel the warmth of his body. Levi whispered softly in her ear,

"Petra ... you are my best friend. Whenever I think of you, I feel like I have someone I can count on. You can always count on me. I hope you can understand the relationship that exists between us."

Petra wiped her tears, walked away from Levi and replied with a sweet smile,

"Sure... I understand Levi! You... must take care of yourself. Whatever it is... We... We haves only one Levi!" and laughed,

But she was broken and would cry if Levi was leaving the coffee shop later.

Levi set out to sea, looked at his phone.

Mike had called him several times.

He stopped and thought a little, he was surprised to see such behavior from him. Mike was different from always and apparently attached great importance to Levi's relationship. He called Mike and he immediately replied,

_"Levi! How many times do I have to call you to finally answer this damn phone?"_

"What's the matter? Why did you call me so many times? Did something happen?"

_"I need to talk to you!"_

Levi set out to walking again, "No, not now! I don’t have time. I have to go somewhere"

Mike shouted anxiously _, "Don't say you're going to..."_

Levi interrupted his word, "That's right. I'm going to see Erwin. Hanji must have told you so, don't pretend you don't know."

_“Levi! You shouldn't do that. He...”_

Levi frowned and said impatiently, "Don't start again! How dare you to decide for me?" 

_"Levi! You don't understand at all, I don't want to...”_

Mike shouted but Levi didn't listen, 

“Mike! You have no right to tell me I can't be with a man! You know well what situation I'm in. I told you before if you have anything else to say, we'll talk later. See you later!" and hung up the phone.

He thought Mike had no purpose other than to take him away from Erwin; he could not bear to hear anything that was contrary to his wishes. Erwin seemed like a good man to him, and he found no reason to oppose this relationship.

Erwin was the one he wanted to be with all his heart and wasn’t content to lose him even for a moment. He tried not to think of Mike, but the fear was deep within him.

When he thought of Erwin's strange behavior, this fear was growing even more intense, but he shrugged it off. Even to strengthen the foundations of this relationship, he was bound and determined to.

He took quick steps and got himself to their usual place. As usual, Erwin had arrived earlier and in the deep silence, he was watching the sea. After Levi sat down and greeted him, they watched the sea for a while in silence. A little later, Erwin turned to Levi,

"What have you brought?"

"Snacks!"

He responded with a childish curiosity, and put everything he had on the bench. Erwin was astonished and turned to face him with Levi's pointing.

Levi opened the box and pointed the muffins at Erwin,

"Looks delicious, isn't it?" then, poured the tea into the cup and handed it to Erwin.

"Moblit's mother, Hanji's boyfriend, baked them. She gave me the box and said, _"Have a good day with your boyfriend!"_ You know Hanji is my closest friend"

Erwin looked at him and smirked,

"Boyfriend?"

Levi remained motionless for a moment. His cheeks blushed and stared at Erwin. He grabbed the cup of tea to his mouth,

"So what... isn't it ... Is it?" he said quietly and stared down at the ground.

Erwin chuckled and nodded. Levi handed one of the muffins to Erwin,

"Taste it."

Erwin looked at the muffin, rotated it in his hand and smiled,

"Hanji... must be a kind girl"

"That's right! She's really the best... Do you want to see her some day?"

Levi's word was not over yet when Erwin immediately said,

**"No!"**

Levi looked at him. He didn't know what to say, stared to him in amazement. Erwin looked at him for a moment and smiled sheepishly,

"Well, you know... I don't want to commit to remember any new faces... otherwise... it would be hard for me to die!"

Levi frowned, "Who's talking about dying?"

He pointed his index finger at Erwin,

"You have no right to say these fucking words anymore; did you understand, you old man?!" he said in a threatening tone; Erwin smiled and nodded.

He took a piece of muffin and smelled it first, then put it in his mouth and chewed. Levi looked at him,

"You play with it as if you were eating muffins for the first time." He said in a mocking tone.

Erwin stared at Levi's eyes with a heavy look then smiled bitterly,

"Well yeah... I haven't had muffins in a long time"

He lowered his head and continued, "You're right, it's really delicious!"

Levi pushed his head forward and gazed into Erwin's face.

"Like how long?" Levi said calmly.

He wanted to know more about Erwin, he was curious about the smallest issues of his life, and Erwin's unreasonable silence was disturbing him. 

Erwin was silent.

But it was as if Levi was not giving up. He should have answered his question anyway. He raised his head,

"Fifteen years!"

Levi's eyes widened in surprise, "Bullshit!" he shouted.

Erwin laughed slowly, "If everything I tell you is bullshit then what the benefit of these questions is? Sit down and drink your tea! It shouldn't be hard.”

Levi was both confused and annoyed by Erwin's behavior.

"How could a person never eat such a simple thing for fifteen years? How dumb do you think I am?"

Erwin puts another piece of muffin in his mouth, “The reason is simple. It didn't happen. Or maybe I didn't want to” and stared at Levi with soulless eyes.

For a moment, Levi was silent, "Well, when you came to the coffee shop you could have ordered some coffee and muffins."

"I didn't think of that!"

Levi moved a little, "Well, you didn't even have your coffee! Anyone who doesn't know maybe thinks you have a loose screw!"

Erwin raised his head slowly,

"I don't like coffee!"

Levi lost his patience. He became furious for a moment but his anger diminished as he looked at Erwin's calm face. This handsome man was the one he wished to be with. Now he couldn't lose him just because of his strange behavior and words.

"So why did you order it?" and he looked at him with curiosity.

Erwin was still eating the little cake that Levi had in his hand. A world of words was flashing in his mind, but he wasn't saying anything.

He took a deep breath, "What are you saying if I told you I only had money for a cup of coffee?"

Levi smirked, "Wow! I got a poor boyfriend!" and they both laughed together.

Levi looked at Erwin. Erwin's laughs were sweet but sad. He wanted Erwin to bare his soul, so he could ease some of his sadness. There was a moment of silence. Erwin opened his mouth,

"Have you ever slept with a man?" he said while playing with the rest of the muffin in his hand.

Levi was shocked; he did not know what to answer. His cheeks get flushed and his heartbeat became fast; he got filled by the feeling of shame,

“N... No... Never!”

_Virgin..._

Erwin repeated it in his mind

"Then you have no idea about it..." he whispered.

"Actually not... But... It looks like you have the experience" he said shyly.

Grief filled with anger at Erwin's gaze.

He didn't expect to hear that, got a little distracted and cocked his head a bit. He didn't look at Levi and was quiet. His eyebrow was jumping and his hands were shaking. Many thoughts rushed through his mind. He forgot for a moment where he was and what he does.

All that was going on in his mind was the dumb sounds that scared him; the sound of the scream, adjuration, scary loud guffaw, pain, fear, and the slog to escape. As he sank into his own world, a cold sweat sat on his forehead.

Levi was terrified of Erwin's behavior. He had never seen him distracted. It was clear that Erwin was trying to be calm. He thought was pushing the sensitive issue.

"Erwin ... Did I say anything wrong?" he asked anxiously.

Erwin suddenly found himself with Levi's voice, raised his head and looked at him. After a long pause, he smiled bitterly,

"You said you were interested in reading books. What kind of book do you read most?”

Levi stared into Erwin's eyes and sighed,

"I think I told you enough about myself. Now it's your turn to talk to me about yourself. I really want to know more about you. For example, what do you like? Where do you live? What is your job? Have you ever been with anyone or not? That makes it easier for me to communicate with you."

Erwin moved a little while avoiding eye contact with Levi,

"Did you see what happened? We went all the way to watch the sunset, but we got distracted by talking." He turned his gaze to the sea and continued, "The sun hasn't set yet. We can see it going on."

"Erwin! Why are you avoiding answering my questions?” Levi said impatiently.

"Look at the sunset Levi! This is a rare opportunity" Erwin replied.

"I didn't come to see the sunset" Levi shouted.

Erwin went silent.

"I came to see you!" the sadness appeared in his voice.

The breeze had started to blow and the air was getting colder. Erwin didn't move.

He couldn't say a word.

It was as if a silent lock had been struck on his lips. Levi lowered his head,

"Erwin... don’t you like me?"

Erwin looked at him; he didn’t expect to hear such a word. He saw Levi weaker than ever, he became sad.

**Levi didn’t deserve this torment.**

"Idiot! Why do you think I don’t like you?"

"I feel you are trying to distance me. You don't want to be with me... and that you even sit here by force"

Erwin moved his hand toward Levi's cheek and touched it with the back of it. Levi's cheeks became red and he looked at Erwin, who was staring at him. Erwin sighed,

"Levi! You are really lovely. You have to appreciate this happiness. I'm sure many people want to be with you. Do you think that if I didn't want to be here, you could force me?"

Levi smiled, "Then why don't you talk to me? You... You don't tell me anything."

Erwin gazed into the sea and said nothing.

Levi was tormented by Erwin's silence; he was suffering from not knowing much about him, but as long as he was able to touch him, he could be relaxed. He didn't say anything anymore and didn't want to upset Erwin; he was just watching him.

The more he looked at Erwin, the more flames within his being. The lust for being in his arms was causing his body to tremble. He could no longer stay away from him, looked at Erwin's hands and shoulders and decided to put his frozen body in his arms.

Levi put aside the stuff he had put in between them and sat down beside him. He was very close to him and almost he had glued his body to him. He was feeling the warmth of Erwin's body and his heart beat became fast.

Erwin didn’t react and was still fascinated by the sunset.

Levi put his head on Erwin's shoulder and closed his eyes. Erwin slowly wrapped his arm around Levi and embraced him.

Levi's breath became irregular; he was tickled pink and looked at Erwin. The man was looking at the sea in astonishing peace. Levi gently embraced Erwin's arms, placed his head on his chest, held his hand and pressed it tightly.

He could hear the sound of Erwin's heartbeat. His heart was beating softly and beautiful. The warmth of Erwin's arms gave him the comfort that he had not experienced for many years. He closed his eyes and relaxed,

"Erwin... I trust you... You can trust me too" he whispered.

Erwin leaned his head on Levi's head, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He could hear Levi's quiet breaths, and he would occasionally touch his arm. Levi fell into a deep sleep in an indescribable calm in Erwin's arms.

A few hours passed. Erwin remained motionless the entire time. The breeze was cold and Erwin's cheeks had got red. His body was dry due to immobility in the cold and his bones were aching. Levi moved and slowly opened his eyes. A cold breeze was blowing through his hair. He lifted his head from Erwin's chest and looked at him.

"How long have I been sleeping?" He said slowly.

Erwin smiled, as he massaged his dried body, "its 10:40 already. What do you think?!”

Levi was shocked. He looked at Erwin with an open mouth; he could not believe that he was sleeping so deep and so long in the cold.

Erwin's embrace was the best place in the world for him.

"Why... didn't you wake me up?" he asked shyly.

"You were sleeping so cute. I couldn't find it in my heart to wake you up" he looked at Levi's eyes, "How long had you not sleep?"

Levi bit his lip. It had been a long time that he had not slept properly. For him, Erwin's embrace meant absolute peace, but he had conscience-stricken for hurting him.

"I'm sorry..." he said.

Erwin chuckled and looked around. It was cold and there was little light from the street lights. No one roamed there and they were almost alone.

Erwin got up and stretched his body, "It's time to go" Levi got up and stood in front of him. At that moment he was filled with the feeling of wanting that man. He could no longer tolerate this avoidance, he was in love with him from the depth of his heart, and he wanted to disappear in his arms forever.

He was staring into Erwin's eyes, put his hand on Erwin's arm and suddenly held himself in his warm embrace. Pasted his face to Erwin's chest and wrapped his arms behind his back. He embraced him with all his might and was completely dumbfounded by the good scent of Erwin's body.

Erwin put one hand behind Levi's waist and grabbed his hair with the other. Levi no longer thought of anything, all he wanted was Erwin. Looked into Erwin's blue crystal eyes and wanted to immerse the man's face in his kisses. He gathered all his courage, grabbed Erwin's collar, pulled him down to his level and put his lips on Erwin's lips then kissed him.

Erwin wasn't surprised at all and slowly kissed back. Levi grabbed Erwin's hair and slid his lip gently onto his soft and warm lips. Shortly afterward, Erwin ended the kiss and stared into Levi's eyes. This lonely man's eyes were filled with a sense of love and belonging.

Levi put both hands on Erwin's chest and pushed him firmly. Erwin, who hadn't expected such a move, lost his balance for a moment and slumped against the chair with Levi's second slam. He looked at Levi with surprise. This man had broken all the fences between them to reach Erwin; he liked his boldness.

Levi sat down on Erwin's lap, touching his sharp jaw with both hands and kissing him again. Erwin closed his eyes and slid his lips to Levi's hot lips, then smirked quietly,

"You're not afraid... anyone will see us?"

Levi looked at him with drunken eyes, "I don't care" he wrapped his arms around Erwin's neck and kissed him again.

As he sucked Erwin's lips gently, he would rub his hand on his shoulder and chest muscles and touch it. Erwin placed one hand on Levi's hip and caressed his back with the other hand.

He slid his tongue over Levi's lips and gently bit them. As he put his tongue in Levi's mouth, he launched a fierce battle between their tongues. Both of them were slowly moaning. After a long battle, Erwin won. Levi dragged his lips on Erwin's neck and started kissing him hungrily.

As he kissed his neck, he remained motionless and hid his face there; he inhaled a deep breath,

"When I hug you... it’s as if I'm at home"

Erwin didn't say anything, paused a little then moved. They were standing and touching their lips that had been swollen because of the kiss, before they walked beside each other without saying a word.

They were walking each day in a certain path and kept talking, but that night they were both silent. It was late and no one was seen in the street. A few minutes passed.

“I wanna get a drink right now; there is a nightclub around here. Do you want to go there?” Erwin said.

Levi nodded and smiled. He was happy to see that Erwin wanted to spend more time with him.

They made their way to the club slowly and went inside. Levi rarely went to nightclubs; he looked around and felt a certain excitement inside himself. Large crowds were drinking and dancing there. The dance of light and loud music made his heart beat faster.

They sat in a corner and drank. Erwin ordered a whiskey and was guzzling it as he gazed into Levi's eyes. Levi also looked at Erwin. It was as if the dancing of others wasn’t attractive to them. While Levi was drinking his first glass of wine, Erwin had been having a few shots. His cheeks were pink and his head was a little fuddled.

Levi was staring into Erwin's drunken eyes, and he wanted to kiss him again. Erwin smirked and leaned his head toward Levi. He put his hand on his shoulder, pulled his arm in a swift motion and lifted him up.

"Let's dance a little!" he beckoned him.

They went into the crowd and started dancing. Levi was absorbed in watching Erwin, even his dancing was beautiful. A silly smile was sitting on Erwin's lips, and he was pirouetting. He danced and encouraged Levi to dance too.

They held each other's hands and danced. Sometimes they even stuck their bodies together and separated again with a quick spin. Erwin was in his mood. Levi had stood there with widening eyes and the mouth full of laughter. His body felt like it’s in fire and the sound of his heartbeat had made his ear deaf. No one was paying attention to them. Everyone was dancing, and Levi didn't worry about it.

Erwin grabbed Levi's waist as he danced and pulled him towards himself. Levi's body was clinging to Erwin and his mouth was dry with the intensity of excitement. The fire was pouring out of their eyes. Erwin looked into Levi's eyes and hushed whisper in his ear,

"Do you want to be with me tonight?"

Levi smiled.

That was exactly what he wanted to hear. This glamorous man had wiped out his wisdom, and the desire to touch and kiss his body was burning his being. He stared into Erwin's eyes,

"More than anything else!"

Erwin laughed. They got out of the club together and set out to go.

There was no one on the street, and they could freely hold each other's hands. A little later, Levi asked, "Where are we going? My house? Or yours?”

Erwin stopped as he looked into the corner, "None of them! I can't wait for so long!” He pointed somewhere, "How about we stay at the hotel!" and he left toward the hotel without letting Levi speak.

They entered the hotel through the glass door. The hotel lobby was simple but beautiful. At the end of the hall, the couches were arranged, and several paintings hung on the wall. At to the counter, there was a large aquarium where you could see all kinds of big and small fish.

As Levi looked at the fish, Erwin took the key to the room. They made their way to their room with the help of the elevator and entered the room. The room was small but clean and the bed occupied almost the space of it.

Levi glanced in the room and sat quietly. Erwin was pulling out his shirt and Levi consistently was keeping an eye on him. He wasn't expecting it at all, but Erwin's elaborate body with the chest and abdominal muscles seemed perfect.

Erwin smirked as he saw Levi's open mouth. Levi's cheeks became red, and he lowered his head. Erwin sat next to him, glued his lips to Levi's, and slowly removed his clothes. Levi would go beetroot as he threw his clothes around the corner and rested on the bed slowly.

Erwin looked at Levi's body sexily,

"Your body is beautiful just like your eyes" and leaned over to kiss him again.

Levi wrapped his arms around Erwin and kissed back. He felt the weight of Erwin's body on himself, and he was energized by the heat of his existence; he stared into Erwin's eyes,

"Erwin... I love you"

Erwin looked at him and smiled, hugged him without answering and hiding his face in the crook of Levi's neck.

In his dream, he thought of happiness and was happy to find Erwin. He had grasped an indescribable peace and felt happy. He was thinking about how good it would be if he could stay with Erwin every night and wake up in the morning by the sound of his breath.

He was counting his wishes, and with the wind's gentle lullaby that was dancing behind the window, as fell asleep slowly.


	7. Chapter 7

He had come out of the coffee shop; he was overwhelmed by his thoughts when he got home. He was tired but happy. As he entered the building, he looked at Hanji, who was standing with crossed arms and watching him. Levi approached and looked at her.

"You're finally back! Where you had been last night?" she asked mischievously. Levi raised an eyebrow, "Shall I explain to you?"

"No need! If you don't tell me, I know you were with Erwin!"

Levi reached out to open the door, "So what are you asking for?!" he whispered. When he tried to enter the house, Hanji grabbed his hand,

"Let's go to my house. Mike is waiting for you"

Levi paused for a moment, then nodded, "Apparently he doesn't give up!" and headed for Hanji's house.

As he entered the living room, he saw Mike sitting on the sofa staring at a spot. Mike turned his gaze and saw Levi, got up from his seat and headed towards him,

"Weren't we supposed to talk? So can you tell me, where you had been last night?”

Levi looked at him. A fit of hidden anger along with concern fluttered in Mike's eyes. Levi looked back with icy eyes,

"I can't remember when I set the time"

"Levi! Tell me where you were last night. I just hope you don't say anything that is on my mind!" Mike said impatiently.

Levi frowned, "It's not your business! You're not my mom! I don't have to report to you" he said angrily.

Mike sighed, "You weren't with Erwin, right? Say it... Say you weren't with that jerk!"

Prior to this, Levi thought there was nothing in the world that could distract Mike but this time, Mike was restless and agonized like a wounded tiger. On the one hand, he was glad that Mike cared so much for him, and on the other hand, he was upset that he called Erwin jerk.

In his opinion, Erwin was a true gentleman so why should mike have so much hatred and fear for him?

He looked at Mike's anxious eyes coldly,

"I think... I should be letting you down, buddy!"

Mike's eyes widened and he looked at Levi with surprise. His hands punched and blood boiled in his veins. Although he was burning up with anger, he didn’t say anything. He was silent for a moment and suddenly giggled,

"Bastard! Although he knows..." he said in a violent tone.

But he didn’t finish it.

He looked at Levi with sad eyes, "Why? ... Why did you allow him to do this?"

Levi sighed and lowered his head,

“Why don't you understand, Mike? I... I really... love him so much!" he raised his head and looked at Mike bashfully. Mike didn't know what to say.

"You didn't like anyone for so long, now you have to pick a man? Tough shit, you are in love with a fucking man after all! But ... why him?"

Levi didn't say anything.

Mike looked at him sadly and sighed,

"I did my best to not let this happen. But it was useless! After this ... It doesn’t matter what happens next!" and he went toward the door.

Levi quickly turned to him, "Mike! What do you know about Erwin? Please tell me."

Mike didn't look at Levi.

"You walked in this way and turned a deaf ear. I hope you take responsibility for your choice. Anyway, the experience is sometimes necessary for anyone” and he quickly left the house.

Levi was stunned and could no longer speak. He was not feeling well. Mike's behavior worried him, but he couldn't stay away from Erwin. Hanji looked at him with pity. Levi went to his house and closed the door without looking at her.

He sat on the sofa and reviewed everything in his mind. The only thing that could calm him down a bit was that he thought Mike was too worried. When he and Erwin's relationship goes well, he accepts it.

However, the deep question still remained unanswered in his mind.

Does Mike have a problem with the relationship between the two men or with Erwin? Isn't Erwin what he is showing up? Or maybe it's a dumb past between them, but he didn't dare to ask.

He was afraid that his wishes palace would be ruined at once and become alone again. All he wanted at that moment was to be able to close his eyes and sleep a little. As he was drowning in his dreams, he was looking at Erwin's photos and smiling.

………………………………………………………………………

_"Father! I want to learn to play a tune!"_

_He was standing by the man, watching him play. His father pulled his hand,_

_"You can learn it later."_

_They were going to the hospital together. His mother was lying on the bed and didn't move. She was pale and sheer calmness on her face was obvious. He was tired of watching his mother through the window; he wanted to go into the room and hug her mother, show her his paintings and read a book for her._

_But it was as if there was no spirit left for her. His father came out of the room and sat down without saying anything. Tears were flowing from the corner of his eyes._

_There was a large crowd, and he remained motionless. People in black clothes were there to condolences to his father. His mother had gone and left him alone. He was crying as he thought of the moments without her; he was missing his mother's arms. He had held the book in his hand, pressed it to his chest and wanted to read a book to his mother after everyone had left._

_The hall was large and everyone was talking and drinking. His 15th birthday was celebrated and his father's friends came to congratulate him; a banquet that was more similar to a business gathering than a birthday party._

_His father owned a company that imported goods into the country. He was not interested in business, and these ceremonies with whatever the pretext, were boring him. His father approached him and held his hand, whispered in his ear,_

_"Come with me. I want to introduce you to my new copartner"_

_Erwin looked at him; a tall man with black hair, prominent cheeks, tiny eyes with a little beard on his chin._

_He had a big smile, but seeing him made Erwin anxious. He put his hand on Erwin's shoulder,_

_"So this is your son! Does he want to become a businessman like you?” His father smiled, “My son is going to be a skilled doctor!” he turned to Erwin, “Am I right?” Erwin nodded and remained silent. Every moment of his life, his father's words were repeated in his mind,_

_"My dear son! Always strive to be the best! I want to always be proud of you!"_

_He was sitting in the room anxiously. Nile had come to their house and had a discussion with his father. It seems his father's many-year partnership was in vain. The sound of their shouting made him anxious. His father had told him not to leave his room, but he was terrified every time he heard a loud cry. Nobody had the right to force his father. Nile had his own people. He wasn’t righteous like Erwin's father, and that was what made them be different._

_He had come to their house with a strong man, demanding more shares, and wanted to force Erwin's father to follow his instructions. Erwin could no longer bear the humiliation. He ran out of the room and joined them. Nile had taken Erwin's father's clothes and pressed his throat. He wanted to force him to sign the documents he had brought with him. He went toward Nile and pushed him firmly,_

_"Don't touch my dad with your dirty hand!"_

_Erwin's father looked at him in horror,_

_"Erwin! Why... Did you come out of your room?"_

_The man that was with Nile, grabbed Erwin and put his hand on his mouth and pushed him away from Nile. He was big and strong, and Erwin's paddle wasn't useful for him. The father and son had caught in a bad situation. Erwin couldn’t see his father suffering. How did Nile dare to disrespect his father or even slap him? All he remembered was the sound of screaming..._

He woke up to the sound of his scream; he was not wearing a shirt and the sound of his breath twisting in the darkness of the room. His whole body was soaked with sweat and his golden hair had damped. As he was panting, he put his hand on his stomach and pressed it. He bent over and put his head on his knees. The strong pain wrapped around his chest. It was midnight and as usual, the nightmare had made him cry. He lied down and put the blanket on his head, stuck his legs on his chest and tried to fall asleep.

It was a few days that the relationship between Levi and Erwin had become stronger. They usually went to the hotel or the inn instead of each other's place to spend more time and more romantic moments together and every time Levi questioned about the cause, Erwin would avoid answering. Neither of them had gone to each other's home, yet the feeling of satisfaction and happiness was in Levi's eyes, while Erwin still seemed indifferent. He was hiding his feelings inside himself and said nothing.

Although he had a lot of words in his head, he had become accustomed to silence.

It was cold and scattered snowflakes swirled around each side. Erwin had hidden his face behind the scarf and walked. Although he was cold and unable to walk from fatigue, he was reluctant to stay home and stare into space. He was walking aimlessly down the street and not paying attention to the surrounding people around him, he was engaged in imaginative thoughts.

Sometimes, he would subconsciously review his memories. These days were remembering them more than ever before. Occasionally, he was thinking of Levi. He was the only one who cared for him with pure love. Thinking of him, he was smiling subconsciously, he didn’t know how long he could go on, and his body was shivering from thinking about these conditions.

He sat in a spot and looked down the street. The tired voice of the crier singer was listening to him and drowning him in his thoughts. He smoked a cigarette and tried to hide behind his smoke halo; he was tired and bored, he decided to roam the streets until his date with Levi.

He was helpless and didn't know what to make.

Each time he thought about breaking Levi's heart, a lump formed in his throat and he had no choice but to continue.

He wandered the streets for hours. There was nothing left at sunset. As he smoked and sometimes looked at shop windows, he noticed that the condition was a bit unusual, he concentrated and looked around. He had guessed right. Two people were chasing him. He continued on his way and gradually made his steps faster.

A little later he started running. The two men followed him. He was quickly passing through the crowd to hide, but they weren't giving up. He turned to the side street. A lonely street where several cars were parked wrapped his hand around the street lamp and changed his course.

He still had couldn’t escape from their trap, tried to lose track of the alley after the alley; he passed through the alleyways and was wishing he would not come to a dead end. He passed through cobblestones alleys that decorated with a variety of plants and continued on his way until he reached some dreadful alleys, some of them there were ruins.

He hung from the stairs of the houses and made his way to their roofs. Even this was useless because the two men were chasing him wherever he went. Although he couldn’t breathe because of the cold air, he ran tirelessly.

The chase continued until dark.

As he was looking for a way out, he was thinking of Levi, he knew he was waiting by the sea. But he couldn't tarry. In the end, his effort wasn't beneficial and he was trapped in a dark and deserted alley.

Another man attacked and knocked him to the ground. The two men who were chasing him reached for him, holding his hands and kneeling on the floor. Erwin shouted and cursed.

He tried to get rid of them but to no avail. He looked at the strong man; he was the man who had quarreled with him at their home many years ago; without hair and with scars on his forehead.

The hatred was spread in all his existence.

The man approached and punched him in the stomach. Erwin wriggled in pain and laid his head on the ground. The man, who had grabbed him, held his hair and pulled him back. Erwin shouted in pain and closed his eyes. He went confusion for a moment with a strong slap in his face.

All three were beaten him as far as they could. The only thing Erwin could do was shout out in pain and tries to keep his face safe from the blows. However, apart from his face and the corner of his lips were wounded. Blood had covered all his body.

All three stopped with the voice of another man. Erwin raised his head and as he writhed in pain, he saw Nile look at him with a cigarette and a dirty smile. His black hair had become gray.

"Erwin! Long time no see!” he laughed.

Erwin looked at him with disgust. Before he can move on, the two men grabbed and kneeled him down in front of Nile. He had his head down and was cursing.

One of the men with Nile's pointed pulled Erwin's hair and raised his head. Erwin shouted and stared at him with fire in his eyes. Nile sighed,

"I found out too late, you finally appeared on the surface! I don't want to resort to force, Erwin! You know what I want. So, don't try to make a fool of me and tell me where it is!"

"I don't know what the hell you are talking about!"

"I'm talking about those documents. You know what I mean. If you don't want to be beaten more than this, it's better to talk."

Erwin pressed his teeth together,

"In your dreams!"

The strong man hit to Erwin's abdomen hard. His scream rose to the sky and it got difficult for him to breathe. Nile smiled,

"Erwin! You are a good boy. I don't think you're as stupid as your father you don’t want to squabble with me! So, don't waste my time."

Erwin looked at him furiously,

"Shut the fuck up, you bastard!"

And with another hit to his stomach, blood flowed from his mouth and tears from his eyes.

Nile dared to call his father stupid?

He sighed coldly and was ashamed of his inability. "Dirty pig!" he shouted "I’ll never tell you! You can kill me!” Nile rolled his eyes and knelt down in front of Erwin.

He puffed his cigarette and blew its smoke into Erwin's face, slid his fingers into his golden hair and pulled it tight,

"Stupid boy! Do you think you can tell me "No"? I haven't waited all these years to watch your game now. Don't let me do what I don't want to do" Then, he stood up and continued,

"You know I'm not an assassin! But...” As he puffed his cigarette, he gave him a passing glance and laughed.

"If you don't want to talk, it's okay! But maybe... that short man you date with him can help me"

Erwin's eyes widened. His breath was locked in his chest and his heart was beating faster.

"Levi!" he whispered in fear.

"So this is his name! ... Levi!"

Erwin looked at Nile angrily and shouted, "Leave him alone! He doesn't know anything. Keep him out of your dirty games!" Nile looked at him, "If you say where those papers are, I'll banish him from thought, unless you want to see your and his fingers cut"

Erwin lowered his head. Tears welled up in his eyes. He was looking at the ground in wonder, he was feeling weak and his heart was aching from his inability.

It was a bad weak point that he had gave to Nile. He was ashamed of his father. What was the benefit of protecting those documents?

But Levi was something else for him.

"How do I know you..." he said sadly. Nile smirked and brought his face near to Erwin,

"Erwin! You know I never break my promise. If you give me the documents, I'll forget that there is such a person."

"What do you want from me? How do those documents benefit to you? You took everything from us. You've stolen everything! There is nothing... left for us!”

"Steal? I got my right already. That company is mine right now. But you know I need those fucking documents to be able to legalize my property completely. And I know you’ll give them to me."

Erwin's body had got numbed. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"Give me two days" he said quietly, tears had streamed down his cheeks.

Nile laughed. At his point, the two men released Erwin. Erwin collapsed the ground and didn't budge.

"I'll see you at your house two days later! Woe for you if you want to hoax!" Nile said and he went away with his men.

The pain had wrapped all over Erwin's body, and he was crying. There was no power left in his legs because of running. Slowly he tilted against the wall and leaned to it. The small snowflakes were beating on his face, and he felt that even the wind was whipping him.

He looked up into the sky, ashamed of his weakness.

It was long after sunset, and he had not gone to their rendezvous. His body wasn’t helping him and he was moving hard. A little later, he rose slowly and made his way to the sea; he knew that Levi would not go home until he saw him.

He made his way to the beach, looked around and was looking for Levi in the dark. He was in pain and the cold air had weakened his body. When he arrived at the tryst, he saw Levi standing with folded arm against the sea.

He lowered his head, took a deep breath then called him. Levi turned to the sound. When clapped his eyes on Erwin, tears welled up in them, and all his anxiety was lost as he heard his voice. While his eyes burned with anger, he went toward Erwin, jumped down his throat and shouted,

"How dare you keep me hanging on so long? You jerk! You may have wished that I break both of your legs and drop them around your neck! Do you know how much..." and suddenly he went silent.

He stared at Erwin in astonishment, looked at the scar on his face and the bruise on his lip. The bloody dirty clothes and his tired face showed a woeful situation. He pulled his hand away,

"Erwin... What... What happened to you?" he asked in a frightened tone.

Erwin looked at him and smiled bitterly. Held his hand and kissed slowly, "Why haven't you gone home yet?" he said in a deep voice.

"How can I not see you and go? Why are you kept me waiting so long? What has happened? Who did this with you?"

Erwin laughed, "No problem. I got in to a fight with a filthy guy. I'm sorry I'm late."

Levi gawped to him then hugged him firmly, "Why don't you take care of yourself? ... for a moment I thought I couldn't see you anymore!"

Erwin pressed him into his arms and closed his eyes.

He bit his lip so he wouldn't scream all the words in his brain.

"I'm starving. You're late too. Let's go to eat something; my treat!” Levi said and strode forward. Erwin didn't say anything and slowly followed him.

They sat at the table opposite each other. Levi had ordered for himself and Erwin Stick and Spaghetti. Everyone who looked at them was surprised to see Erwin's situation. Erwin stared at the dishes on the table,

"Why so much?!"

Levi chuckled, "Don't look at food like this! Otherwise, I think you haven't eaten in fifteen years!” Erwin laughed.

They were eating in silence. Levi looked at Erwin with sympathy, "Are you in any pain?" Erwin nodded slowly, "A little! But it's fine. I got used to it” Levi thought to himself as he slowly ate his food,

Why should Erwin get used to such pains?

"Don't you want to say what the matter was?" he said.

Erwin paused for a moment then replied,

"My father used to own an import company. He also had a charlatan partner. His partner defalcated his property and is now looking for a series of documents that would completely legalize his ownership. It looks like he's not satisfied just as much! He had come to get those papers from me peacefully!”

Levi looked at him in surprise,

"Peacefully?"

As he had carried the glass of his drink to his lips looked at the scar on his face then put the glass on the table, "Well, what did you do?"

"I agreed to give him the documents!" Erwin said without turning his gaze at his plate. Levi looked at him staggered,

"Are you stupid? Why should you give those documents to such a person? You’re not cut out for it that protects your belongings?” Erwin looked at him.

In his mind, he repeated

_'For your sake...'_ and sighed,

"Protection? ... Well, they don't serve a purpose to me!"

Levi shrugged as he continued to eat,

"How ridiculous! If I were you, I would get what’s mine or I was prosecuting him! At the very least, with taking back the company, I would get some money for not wishing for anything! Your father is dreaming to have a good child!" he glimpsed at him violently.

Erwin remained motionless.

Tears welled up in his eyes and his hands began to shake. He was heartbroken by Levi's words. But not because of him, but because of the right word he had uttered. His weakness was hurting his heart, but he was unable to fight.

He knew that his father would never be proud of such a child. Thinking about it scratched his soul and left deeply injured every moment. He knew he had to protect those documents to prove himself, but proving himself for what and for whom? Deep down him, he didn't regret it.

Whenever he was looking back to the past, the only thing awaited him was blameworthy. He thought he deserved the blame. He had seen his mother had perished and his father had been destroyed and, he was ashamed to be unable to protect them.

He saw himself weak enough to be able to protect someone. But now that he could protect Levi by sacrificing documents that his father had devoted all his life for them and bite the bullet, he was feeling comfortable and empowered. He knew that this was nothing more than self-deceit; however, he lived for years by deceiving himself.

Levi's voice ripped Erwin out of his own world. Levi was staring at him sadly and was apologizing constantly.

"Erwin! I didn’t mean that please... Forgive me!"

Erwin nodded and simpered. A few minutes later Levi took a deep breath slowly,

"I don't know anything about you. You don't tell me anything; you didn't even give me your phone number that I to call you if I got worried or wanted to talk to you!"

Erwin swallowed quietly, "I told you I don't have a mobile!"

"How can it be possible?" Levi said immediately.

Erwin paused a little and continued to eat. He was giving Levi the right. It was hard to believe all this. Sometimes, he wanted to Levi believe all he's words without asking a question.

Levi thought a little, "I don't know why... some people are trying to get me and you apart" Erwin raised his head and looked at him inquisitively.

“I mean Mike. You have to know him. Am I right?” Levi said.

Erwin's eyes sparkled and smirked. Levi was waiting with curiosity to hear his words.

"Mike?! ... well... yeah I know him." Levi smiled,

"Where? How? How long is it?"

Erwin raised an eyebrow, "It's for a long time ago. I haven't seen him in ages"

“Erwin! I want to know everything about you two!"

"We don't have any past together"

Levi frowned, "Then, what's his problem with you?" Erwin shrugged his shoulders, "How do I know? Maybe, he doesn't like my face!”

"Don’t give me that! I wasn’t born yesterday! You both are strange!"

Erwin glanced at Levi's eyes coldly as he wiped his mouth with a napkin,

"If you’re done, we're better to go"

Levi didn't say anything. He knew that even if he insisted, Erwin would not say anything more.

They were walking in silence. It was bitterly cold. Erwin stood with his hands in his pockets and his mouth hiding behind the scarf,

"Take care of yourself, Levi!"

Levi stood in front of him and stared into his eyes.

Erwin's big blue eyes were tired and soulless.

He smiled bitterly and embraced Erwin. Erwin wrapped his arms around Levi and tied him to his chest. Levi melted in Erwin's arms and hid his face in his chest. He loved the smell of Erwin's body more than anything.

"Erwin... I love you so, so much. Before you came... One night there was a shadow on my life forever. You're like... a sun shining on my life! Remember you should never leave me alone... I want our love to last forever."

Erwin closed his eyes. He could no longer handle this grief, suppress his crying and bit his lip. He wanted to scream, holding Levi's hand and run away too far.

But he was neither able nor had the time.

He grabbed Levi's raven hair and looked into his eyes, put his hand on his cheeks and kissed him gently; a long and romantic kiss. Levi had drowned in Erwin's warm kiss and wished that moment would never end.

Erwin ended the kiss and stared into Levi's eyes again. He slid his hand to his shoulders, pulled on his arm, crossed his forearm and pressed his cold fingers firmly.

"Something has happened. I can't see you for the next two days. Please don't worry about me" he whispered.

Levi looked at him sadly. He wanted to see Erwin every day he was impatient to see him every day; how could he not see him for two days? He lowered his head slowly,

"I'll miss you..."

Erwin chuckled bitterly,

"You have to get used to it"

Levi raised his head; he didn’t want to get used to Erwin's absence. He opened his mouth to say something that Erwin put his finger on Levi’s lips and shook his head. Levi looked at him, kissed Erwin's cheek gently then slowly he set up to go.

Butterflies fluttered in his stomach. He turned around and watched Erwin. Erwin stood still and watched Levi. Levi lowered his head and went a few meters away. But he couldn't, he was afraid to don’t see Erwin anymore. He looked behind himself.

Erwin was still standing there.

The wind was moving his hair and dancing to the corner of his clothes and scarf. He was thinking about the cause of Erwin's delay. There was a deep anxiety inside him. He took a few more steps. This time, he returned to hug Erwin and prevent him from leaving, but when he turned back he saw that Erwin had gone into silence.

He stood his ground and gazed at Erwin's empty seat.

He heard nothing but the howling of the wind.

It was a cold and sad night. Erwin's gaze didn't disappear from his eyes for a moment. He had never seen him so sad; he looked at Erwin's photos and wished he could see him sooner.

Without Erwin, his days were a hell of darkness and torment. As if his thoughts were not over.

While he had left his heart in that alley, he tried to satisfy himself by his dreams.


	8. Chapter 8

The room was small and dark, with little light that was shining from outside. Except for a suitcase, there were no pieces of furniture in it, and the floor of the room was covered with cold stone. There was no heating there. The corner of the room was a metal bed with a gray blanket draped over it untidy. There was also a door and a small bathroom and toilet.

That was all that was called **_home_**.

Erwin was sitting in the corner of the room. His body was frozen in cold, but he wasn’t wearing any warm clothes. Cold steam came out of his mouth. His hair had unkempt, he had his shirt sleeves raised to the elbows and his buttons open. His chest and abdominal muscles were contracted from the cold, he had one leg folded and his other foot was perpendicular as his hand was resting on it.

The cigarette was light between his fingers as the smoke wrapped around the room; the ashes of the cigarette fell against his bare fingers. He had lowered his head and was gazing at the floor. In the corner of the room were a small bottle of water and an empty vodka bottle. Beside him, the cream envelope, pen and several sheets of paper had scattered; the door didn't lock properly.

With hearing the sound of the door, he opened his eyes but didn’t move. Nile came in with three men standing beside him. He looked at Erwin and in his room, he smirked while he had stared at the envelope next to Erwin's hand,

"I knew you were living in a dump, but here... it's fucking hell!"

Erwin grabbed the cream envelope and threw it at him without raising his head. A dirty smirk settled on Nile lips, he picked up the envelope and examined the documents inside.

"You made a wise choice. You should have given it to me sooner rather than hiding it for so many years" he walked to the door to leave the room that stood to Erwin's voice,

"Remember your promise!" his situation was really pitiful.

"Don't worry. I never break my promise” Nile said.

He left the room with his companions. Erwin slowly picked up the papers beside his hand and began to write in silence.

Mike came out of his room. It was his rest day, and he was preparing for dinner with Nanaba. He heard the doorbell ring as he sang. He opened the door. His eyes widened as he had amazed.

Erwin was standing behind the door, dropping his coat over his shoulder, looking at him with apathetic eyes as he leaned his elbow against the corner of the door and was touching his ear.

Mike paused for a moment before he opens his mouth,

"You... what are you doing here?"

Erwin moved, pulled himself inside and entered the house without Mike's permission. Mike protested to him, but Erwin replied coldly,

"Long time no see! Mike!”

Mike looked at him angrily, "Why are you here?" he said violently.

Erwin stood in front of him; Mike was a little taller than him. He stared in to his eyes,

"You are not worthy of being greeted ... I had a question for you. Where's Levi's house?”

Mike looked at him with wide eyes, as he was walking away from him, “Ask himself! Why do you want his address from me?"

"I'm not in the mood to wrestle with you! Spit it out!" Erwin replied furiously.

"I don't know" Mike said without looking at Erwin.

"You're his friend, aren't you?"

"Who told you I'm his friend?"

"Himself!" he grinned and walked over to Mike, “Even if he didn't say, it wouldn't make a difference. On the day you came to the coffee shop I found out you're his buddy"

"Hadn’t you lived in your own world and reading the book?" Mike looked at him and said with surprise.

"Do you think because I was reading the book, I didn't know what was going on anymore?" he said aloud.

Mike looked at Erwin's eyes angrily,

"You knew he was going to love you! From the beginning, you had understood everything! Why did you let this happen?"

Erwin stared into Mike's eyes and clicked his tongue, "Where's Levi's house?" he said quietly.

"I won't tell you!" Mike shouted.

Erwin got angry. In a swift motion, he grabbed Mike's throat, fastened him to the wall and locked his legs. He pressed his throat as he looked at him with anger,

"It seems like the sweet tongue doesn't mean anything to you! Spit it out... tell me where his fucking address is?"

"Drop ... Dead!"

Erwin pressed Mike's throat harder, so it was almost impossible for him to breathe. Mike's breaths were cut off and his color face changed. But Erwin wouldn't give it up. He pressed his throat so hard that he could go to death.

In a moment he suddenly found himself and let him go. Mike collapsed on the ground, inhaled a deep breath and began to cough.

Erwin had stood over his head and watched him.

Mike was one of his good friends; someone who had repeatedly confessed in adolescence that he loves him but had abandoned Erwin after what had happened in those years, he didn’t trust him and their friendship was over.

He didn't even accept Erwin's latest request to protect those documents, and Erwin had to trust someone else. Although he had clearly seen the impact of fear on Mike's decision and had no grudge against him, he refused to meet him when he tried several times to see him.

This issue, along with the situation they were in, fomented the growth of hatred in both of them more. Erwin knew well that Mike's love for him was nothing but a childish and transient emotion; so there was never an emotional relationship between them.

"Why... Why did you do that ... With him? You knew you can't... stay with him, damn you! ... So why did you... drag him to your bed? Why did you commit such a crime with him?" Mike said amidst his coughs and shortened breaths.

Erwin lowered his head. He didn't accept to have committed a crime against Levi. All he knew was that he loved him; nothing else mattered. He put a piece of paper with a pen beside him,

"Write it." he said.

"Why don't you give him up? You don't deserve to be with him! I'm not letting you hurt him anymore." Mike yelled.

Erwin put his foot on Mike's shoulder and pressed his body against the wall. Mike's scream rose to the sky, "Do you write it or should I cut your tongue?" He said in a violently.

Mike laughed bitterly, "Bastard! Living with wild animals has made you wild!”

Erwin put his foot on Mike's neck and jaw then slammed him to the ground, but regretted it.

What was he fighting for?

He didn't care about Mike's feelings and whether he hates him or not. Perhaps deeply he wanted to take revenge on him or take the inferiority and suffering he had suffered all these years out on him, despite he knew Mike was innocent. He knew he had no role in repeating the dark days of his life.

But was it different about Levi?

Was it that it had to cross Levi's heart barrier? He closed his eyes and walked away from him a few steps, put his hand in his pocket and turned his back on him. He preferred to remain silent.

Mike touched his face a little,

"Levi has a pure heart! It's not his right to have these suffering. You... You can't do that with him. You shouldn't have been in a relationship with him from the beginning"

He turned to Erwin and shouted, "Why don't you show him your true self? Why don't you tell him what filthy sludge you are? How much do you want to play a role for him? You passed yourself off as a _gentleman_ in front of him! You showed a picture of yourself that you were never! I don't know what you did that made him make such a fatal mistake and get into a relationship with a man! With someone like you! Erwin... I beg you. Levi has had enough. Do not open the way to hell to him, now that his life is tranquil. Don't let him love you anymore. He... should forget you."

Erwin lowered his head and said nothing.

Filthy sludge!

What had made Mike call him by this name? Didn't he know the _truth_? Erwin could play for anyone but couldn’t play against Levi. In front of Levi, he was himself. That's why he preferred Levi to everyone.

"If you care about him, then write it," he said quietly.

Mike looked at him, grabbed a pen and paper, wrote the address and threw it in front of Erwin's leg. He was still sitting on the floor and not looking at Erwin. Erwin picked up the paper and looked at it then turned to Mike,

"Mike! ... You never knew me. You weren't a good friend. Levi is different from you. He is candid in his friendship, exactly the opposite of you" and he headed toward the door.

Mike called him; Erwin stopped but didn’t turn.

"You don't have much time... You know I'm not saying these things for myself. You have no future together. I didn't want Levi to get such a bad blow... though it's too late now..." Mike said calmly.

Tears welled up in Erwin's eyes.

**_Time!_ **

What he was afraid of that more than anything these days.

He walked quietly without saying anything. It wasn't yet out of the way that Mike continued,

"I've always been honest with you, Erwin. But with what happened, the friendship between us was no longer meaningful. You yourself wanted it to be this way. Maybe you have a grudge against me, I don't know... I tried to make up for it but you ... You never counted me as your friend, even before those events; now that you have ruined Levi's life with your act. You have always been a _selfish_ person, Erwin! Always...”

Mike was right.

Erwin was always selfish and didn't care about others. Maybe something that came out of his hand years ago, but again, because he didn't want to, he had victimized everything even Mike's feelings.

This time too, his choice was _selfish_.

He knew that the beginning of such a relationship with Levi was nothing but mere selfishness, but he had continued. He no longer had a chance to regret it.

He got out of Mike's house without saying a word; he wandered the streets and didn't know what he could do. He couldn’t be letting go of Levi, but he had no choice but to do so; he blamed himself for all the recent events. It was three o'clock until the sunset; he knew that Levi had to be in the coffee shop at that time.

Immediately he set out for Levi's home. He stood in front of the building and glimpsed it. As he thought about how to get in, he moved his hand to one of the bells. But before he could push it, the door opened and Hanji jumped out.

Erwin stood motionless and stared at her. Hanji looked at him in surprise,

"Erwin! What are you doing here?” and started laughing.

Erwin raised an eyebrow, "We... Know each other?"

Hanji shifted his glasses a little,

"Levi showed me your pictures. I'm Hanji. Nice to meet you" and reached out her hand to him.

Erwin glimpsed at Hanji's hand and didn't move,

"I didn't know you were neighbor" he said.

Hanji drew back her hand, "Well, what is so strange?" she tidied her hair a bit and continued,

“Levi isn't home now. I thought you would always be the date by the sea. So, what did you come here for?”

Before a word came out of Erwin's mouth, a car stopped in the corner of the street with a short beep. Hanji got flustered,

"Oh, Erwin! I have to go now. See you later" and hurriedly tried to close the door but didn’t realize that Erwin had deliberately had put his foot between it.

She went to the car but when she realized it wasn’t closing, she came back to tighten it. Erwin stood forth of her,

"Leave it to me... I'll close it; don't keep your friend waiting"

Hanji happily thanked Erwin and quickly left.

Erwin waited until Hanji disappeared and then entered the building. He stood at Levi's house door, thinking about what Mike was saying. He took the envelope out of his pocket and sat down. He tried to enter it from under the door but regretted it for a moment.

He held the letter to his chest and closed his eyes. All of his feelings and confessions were in that letter. What if Levi read the letter and hated him? Or maybe he was judging him like others...

He stopped and took a deep breath. Leaving Levi was leading to his hatred for Erwin anyways, but wouldn't it be better if he didn't know about Erwin's past and forgot him? Perhaps it would have been better to disappear without a word. He hesitated a bit and finally put the letter in his pocket.

Again he made a _selfish_ decision.

"Forgive me, Levi! In order to protect your heart, I have to break it" he lowered his head and whispered.

He went out of the building, leaned against the fence along the street, pulled the lighter out of his pocket and set the letter on fire. As he watched the burning of the letter, he lit a cigarette and waited.

Levi walked towards home. He was coming back from the sea and was tired. Three days had passed since the last time he saw Erwin. Feeling lonely and anxious for a moment wasn’t leaving him. They should have seen each other today.

So, why hadn’t Erwin came?

He was in a baffle by his thoughts when he got home. Then he looked up and saw someone leaning against the fence in front of his home.

He got closer and recognized Erwin. Erwin turned his gaze around and saw Levi. As he was crushing his cigarette's stub, he stood and stared at Levi. Levi went closer and looked at him.

Erwin had his hand in his pocket, and the breeze gently jolted the corner of his coat and golden hair. He didn’t know whether to be happy or upset about seeing Erwin's serious and soulless face.

He stared at Erwin's apathetic eyes,

"Erwin... Did you finally come back?" when he didn't see any reaction, he continued,

"I was waiting by the sea... Why didn't you come?"

He even forgot to ask how Erwin found his home.

"I'm not going to go to the sea anymore," Erwin sighed and said in a dry tone.

Levi looked at him with fear. He had never seen such behavior from him before.

“Oh! I see. Then... Where are we going to see ... each other?"

Erwin narrowed his eyes, "We're not supposed to see each other anymore!"

For a moment Levi felt his heart stop.

His whole body froze and stared at Erwin with wide eyes. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"It’s not obvious? I don't want to continue this friendship anymore. I want to end it”

Levi couldn't believe it. The one facing him wasn’t Erwin that he knew. His whole body began trembling with anxiety. He wished that all this was an unreal nightmare.

But he wasn't sleeping.

Erwin was standing like a hard rock against him and buckle down to destroy him.

"Are you kidding me?" he hesitantly asked.

"Does it look like I’m kidding?" Erwin answered coldly.

Levi lost his patience. “Why are you saying this fucking bullshit? Do you think you can leave me so easily? Do you think it's just up to you to decide? What's wrong with you? What is this for?"

Erwin averted his gaze and paused for a moment,

"That's right. It's **_me_** saying how this relationship should end. You can't protest either. Forgive me, Levi. It's all my fault. I shouldn't have let this relationship go so far. But it doesn't matter anymore. This relationship is over in my opinion. You better get along with it and forget everything."

Levi's heart was pounding rapidly. It was hard for him to breathe. He couldn't believe that Erwin would easily ruin the world he had built with him. Tears welled up in his eyes. The onslaught of successive thoughts had him tongue-tied.

"So... Why... Did you accept from the beginning... To be with me?" he said brokenly.

"Because... I felt pity for you! I didn't think you were stupid enough to take everything so seriously.” Erwin immediately replied.

The word _stupid_ rang in Levi's ear; he laughed nervously

"It's impossible! This is a ridiculous joke... You... You can't do that to me... Erwin!" his voice was trembling. Tears streamed from his eyes.

Erwin just was looking at him, he could hardly stand strong. He had already lost his ability.

Levi grabbed Erwin's clothes, "You can't... You can't leave me in this way. We made a promise together. How can you break my heart so easily?" he shouted.

"What I'm breaking isn’t your heart! It's your expectations!" Erwin said aloud.

Levi was crying.

Wanting to be with Erwin was the undue expectation? He wondered what did wrong he did that became deserved of this unkindness.

"Erwin... Please..." he said quietly.

Erwin continued, "Cut it out, Levi. Don't act like a little girl! You can't continue in a one-way relationship forever. I can't... I can't spend time with someone... I _don't_ love!"

Levi’s jaw chopped.

He couldn't believe Erwin's words. He felt that the whole world had fallen on his head; he looked at Erwin with wet eyes. He cried out in anger and discomfort then punched Erwin's chest tightly.

As he clasped his face to Erwin, he repeatedly stroked Erwin's chest.

Erwin barely held his ground, he was in pain for hurting Levi, but he was tolerating it. He felt his heart come out of his mouth, clenched his teeth together and remained silent.

"You're lying... You can't leave... You can't do that to me... You're a piece of shit! You can't hurt me... You shouldn't do that. Erwin! ... I can't... I can't live without you." Levi shouted in his tears.

"No one dies for another person!"

"I will die!"

The sound of his screaming resonated in the sky. 

_Please... don't go on! Don't say that word!_

This sentence was repeated in Erwin's mind.

Levi grabbed Erwin's chest as his voice had scratched,

"Erwin! ... I love you fucking bastard!" A pain wrapped in Erwin's chest.

For a moment he blacked out, and he immediately shouted,

"You shouldn't have to!"

His lips were trembling and sadness was plunging into his eyes,

"I'm... Not worth it" he whispered slowly.

“Why? Why are you doing this to me? ... Erwin! I beg you... Don't leave me!" Levi said.

Erwin got away Levi from himself. He arranged his clothes,

"Levi! I could leave you without telling a word. But I felt it better to ruin all your hope of seeing me that you don't have to wait for me by the sea every day. That way, you can forget me easier. That was the last _favor_ I could do for you"

He put his hands in his pocket, "This relationship is over. Don't follow me and don't inquire about me... Forever" he said with a loud sigh.

He felt his throat being squeeze; he pulled Levi away and was ready to go.

Levi felt his whole body shatter. The pain had wrapped all over his body. He felt the broken pieces of his heart tearing his chest.

"You're... so cruel," he whispered.

Erwin stood for a moment. There was deep sadness in his eyes. In his mind, he repeated: _I know..._

And set off.

Levi knelt on the floor, he screamed in anger as he whimpered,

"Erwin! ... You're a monster!"

Erwin couldn't stand it anymore.

He quickly left Levi and hid in the dark of night. Tears were flowing from his eyes, and he could hardly breathe. He hated himself for ruining Levi so badly. He crawled into an alley, leaning against the wall, and sat on his feet as he hugged himself.

He wanted to forget everything, but all he could do was shed tears.

Levi sat on the ground for a few hours in the cold of the street; he had stared at Erwin's cigarette stubs with shock. Everything happened very quickly, and he had no opportunity to understand the events. All the recent events marched in front of his eyes so fast.

Until a few hours ago he was the most fortunate man in the world but now with trample pride and a broken heart he watched his dreams burn. Again huge loneliness and sadness rushed to his life.

Erwin had left him in the cruelest way possible, and he didn't know the reason.

He punched his frozen hands and pressed his teeth together, he quickly entered the building as he was full of anger and hatred.

When Hanji came home, she saw Levi in this situation from a distance. She ran to the building and made her way back to Levi's house. Levi was screaming in anger and shedding tears. He would throw all the stuff around the house.

Nothing was mattered to him anymore. He would break whatever was in his house and cursed Erwin. Hanji heard the roar from behind his door. Worried and agitated she shouted,

"Levi! What has happened? Open the door! Let me come in”

Levi, who hated everything and everyone, shouted,

"Get lost! All of you go to hell! I hate you all! All of you are useless jerks! There are a handful of selfish and miscreant people around me!” as he took his anger out on his furniture continued,

"Nothing matters to you... You only care about yourself! What am I to you? Everyone do and say whatever they want! Leave me the fuck alone! Let me die in my loneliness! Don't pretend I'm important to you! You're all bitches like each other! You all will go finally! All of you... Will leave me alone!" he burst into tears and could no longer continue.

Hanji had astonished.

_What happened? Until a few hours ago, all things were going well. Did Erwin say anything? What should I do now?_

These thoughts kept going through her mind. She decided to leave Levi alone. Levi secluded and relaxed after venting his anger.

He had his head on his knees and was shedding tears. What he was terrified of what had happened, and he was more powerless than ever, didn't know what to do.

He didn't want to be bothered by anyone; he had given Erwin unconditional love, but the response he received was nothing but humiliation and loneliness. He hated to loved and adored and had lost all his trust in people, he took refuge in his room and retired to himself in the dark.

He wanted to go to sleep for a few thousand years, so he might forget this Herculean nightmare.

The clock’s ticking had filled the room.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my first experience of writing so I'm sorry if it was not very good.  
> thank you for your attention! :)

He was awake, but he couldn’t get out of bed; he was gazing at the empty wall and recounting what had happened three days earlier. He was tired and powerless; he stayed home for three whole days without eating, sleeping, or even talking.

He didn’t answer the phone and left everyone unaware of his situation, he didn't care how worried his friends were. Hanji would sometimes come behind the door and was calling him but Levi didn't answer. When she was so worried about him and trying to break in and enter the house, he threw something toward the door to let Hanji know he is still alive.

Erwin was gone and Levi was surprised that he was still breathing.

He stretched his arms above his head and stood in front of the mirror slowly, he was afraid to see himself. There was no trace of blaze and succulence on his face. He picked up his cellphone, and sat on the sofa.

Now he understood why Erwin didn't say anything about himself or even didn't give him his number.

"He wanted to leave me from the beginning! He was just thinking about abuse!”

Tears welled up in his eyes. Although he was repeating these thoughts in his mind he didn’t believe it deeply when he remembered Erwin's kisses.

Erwin never told him anything about his feelings. Even though Levi repeatedly expressed interest in him, he had heard no response but silence. He hated himself for sacrificing his soul, his feelings and his confidence for someone who didn't deserve.

But again the battle within him was setting on, and he was remembering how he had chosen him wholeheartedly; he had crossed through everyone and everything to reach him. He could not believe that Erwin was too miscreant to ignore all of this but it was true.

He looked at his phone. The countless number of unanswered calls from his friends on his phone was glaring. His eyes clapped on Erwin's photo, and he was heartbroken. He decided to throw away whatever he had from him; he wanted to erase Erwin's photos, but he couldn't.

As he looked at his calm and beautiful face, he cried. Strange gloom overwhelmed his existence; he turned his gaze as whispered to himself;

“He crushed you like a piece of shit under his feet! And you miss him? ... You idiot!" but that was useless.

He was used to thinking of Erwin; he kept looking at his photos and shedding tears. Sometimes he even kissed them.

In his mind, he would ask the reason for his action and secluded in a corner. All these three days he was engaged with Erwin and his memories. He spent the entire day with his sadness without doing anything.

After three days of not eating, he was a little hungry. He took a glass of milk and went by the window.

It was cloudy and there was a heavy wind.

_Today the sea must be a storm._

He was anxious to think of the sea and his memories with Erwin, he had lost his patience. Sat on the sofa and thought;

_Could he go to the beach in this weather?_

He got up and walked. The sea was the only place he hoped to see Erwin. If Erwin goes to sea with the thought that Levi will not go out in the weather, then Levi will have a chance to talk to him and ask about reasons for his behavior. He thought he could see Erwin and that's enough for him.

But why should Erwin go ashore in such weather?

Although he suspected that Erwin would get out of the house in the storm and, although he had said he would not go to beach anymore, he decided to try his luck.

Despite being depressed and heartbroken by his behavior, he couldn’t part ways with him. He changed his clothes and ran out of the house so that Hanji wouldn't notice. To hide from the freezing temperatures, he hid his face behind his scarf. He rushed to the sea. The sea was stormy, and the waves flailed into the sand of the beach. He walked by the sea.

Seeing Erwin, his heart leaped out of his mouth.

Erwin wasn’t as usual. He wasn’t wearing warm clothes despite the cold weather and heavy wind; he was clothed in a white shirt and black pants, sitting on the beach sands. His golden hair tossed by the wind and fell messy onto his forehead. He was gazing at the sea as usual, but there was no tranquility in his eyes. His eyes were depleted of routine light and had stubble, and he seemed very tired.

Levi hurried to reach himself toward Erwin and called his name. Erwin turned his gaze towards Levi and looked at him in amazement; he didn't expect to see him again. He smiled faintly,

"Levi! You finally came?” he said in a sad voice.

Levi sat beside him; he was trembling because of the cold air.

"Erwin! What are you wearing in this cold?” he said with surprise.

He wanted to take off his jacket to put on Erwin's shoulder, that Erwin prevented him from doing so.

"Don't do it! You'll catch a cold!” he whispered.

He was watching Levi with sad eyes. Levi wrapped the scarf around Erwin's neck, held his hand and tried to lift him up.

"Get up! Let's go home!” he said acidly.

Erwin didn't move; slowly pulled Levi's hand away, "No! I can't... I want to watch the sunset!"

Levi shouted in surprise, "What the fuck are you talking about?! Is there any sunset in this weather?" and tried to lift Erwin, "Get up! We have to go home! If you stay here like this, you’ll freeze" Erwin set Levi in beside himself and embraced him. Levi was stunned;

_Why are you so strange today_?

He wrapped his arm around Erwin. Erwin was weeping slowly,

“Levi! I know I hurt you! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! Can you forgive me?”

Levi cried. Tears flowed from his eyes,

"Why... Those words... Erwin... If... If you come back to me, I'll forgive you!" he didn't want to review those words again. It was enough for him to see Erwin was regretting those words.

Erwin lowered his head, took a few deep breaths and looked into Levi's eyes. His gaze was full of endless sadness. He smiled bitterly and put his hands on Levi's face and kissed him, long and gently.

Levi kissed back and melted into Erwin's arms. Erwin leaned his forehead against Levi's forehead while still touching his face,

"I love you so, so much Levi! You are so precious to me. Forgive me, forgive me for... My selfishness! I’m sorry! I can't let go of you! Do you ever want me will be in your dreams?"

Levi pulled his hand over,

"I don't want you to be in my dreams! I want you to be with me in real life. In my every moment! In my house ... In my arms ... Even in my... Bed!" he shouted.

Erwin had his head down.

"I don't want to... I don't want to that you forget me! I don't want you to hate me... Please!" he said under his breath.

Levi was happy to see Erwin confess to the love he had, but he was anxious to see his miserably situation.

"It would never happen! I promise you..." he immediately said, and he continued in a begging tone," Erwin, please... Get up, we must go home. Let's talk about it later, okay?”

It was as if Erwin was drowning in his own world and didn't hear Levi's voice.

"Levi! Glad to meet you..." he said in a scratchy voice, put his hand on Levi's shoulders and pressed them as his tears slid down his cheek,

"If I had found you fifteen years ago! I wish... I had found you fifteen years ago!” he gasped for a short breath.

The word _fifteen_ resonated in Levi's mind. A great horror spread through the depths of his existence. He couldn't understand Erwin; he trembled for fear that he has been insane.

"Erwin! What's wrong with you? What the hell are you talking about? Are you out of your mind? Get up... For God's sake, get up. Let’s go home..."

Erwin raised his head and stared into Levi's eyes. He was literally crying,

"Levi... You taught me the meaning of love... You... You gave me the pleasure of love... You... You brought hope to my heart." he breathed aloud tearfully and smiled,

“Levi! ... Thank you"

The enormous wind blew and disheveled Levi's hair. Erwin's look was different from usual. Butterflies started to flutter in his stomach. He opened his mouth to say something that Erwin prevent him,

"It's cold..." and as he hugged himself continued, "You better go home... Don't stay here... Go!"

"Without you, I wouldn't go anywhere! Come on old man! Move your fucking ass! Let's go home together...”

His scream was lost in the riot of the sea waves. Erwin took his hands gently,

"Not yet... I have lost something! I need to find it!"

Levi opened his mouth to tell him to profane that Erwin interrupted him,

"I'll be back soon!"

Levi looked at him, he sat spent and struggled no more. He looked at Erwin pleadingly. Erwin still was holding his hand,

"Go home... Please. I promise I'll go from here soon... Don't worry, nothing will happen"

Levi could only say Erwin's name; he couldn't leave him with that situation. A weak smile sat on Erwin's pale lips,

"I promise you... I'll come here every day to see you... Every day... I'll come to see you... Now, please go... Levi! ... Go...”

Levi moved a little. He knew that more insistence was useless, Erwin was always stiff-necked. Erwin wiped his tears and laughed. He touched Levi's hair and turned his gaze towards the sea. For a moment Levi was hesitant and stood up,

"Okay... then come home soon. See you later! Don't forget that you promised me!" he said.

Erwin didn't answer; he was sitting motionless and couldn't take his eyes off the sea.

Levi slowly turned away from him. He was anxious but couldn't do anything. He looked at Erwin from a distance. His condition hadn't changed; he didn't even turn his gaze on Levi. The cold air was bothering Levi, he reluctantly went home.

He wanted to stay with Erwin and didn't understand the reason for his strange behavior. He wished that everything would be fine; he had forgotten all of Erwin's painful words and was thinking of the days ahead.

Erwin had promised to come see him every day.

Four days have passed since that stormy evening. Levi was walking by the sea every day but there were no signs of Erwin. He didn’t have his address or any other contact info. His head was swollen with countless thoughts. He was sitting in a spot with sadness,

"He betrayed me again... Liar!" he was resisting the urge to cry, he didn't want to admit his weakness.

He wanted Erwin, he was worried, but he couldn't do anything. He was walking and looking for a solution. This time he made him pay for it if he gets his hands on Erwin. He sat down on the ground and was thinking to himself;

_How do I find him?_

He held his head in his hands. Suddenly he remembered Mike. His eyes sparkled. Mike knew Erwin, so he must have known about his place, he could ask Mike his home address then rushed into Mike's house.

Mike put his cup of coffee on the table and went in front of the mirror; he was fixing his hair and whistling. The snow was heavy and covered ground. He couldn't think of going out in this heavy snow; he sent a message to Nanaba to join him at home.

The doorbell rang. As he opened the door, he saw Levi standing at the door as he was panting with snow on his head and shoulder. Before he could say anything, Levi hurriedly began to talk,

"Where's Erwin?"

Mike looked at him; he was saddened that Levi was still looking for that man. He smiled quietly,

"You're dating him! Then, should I know where he is?” and as he would open the door, he went inside.

Levi followed him into the house,

"Mike! Please tell me where he is. I don't have any time to argue now"

"Why would any of you lose another one come to me?" Mike said with a protest.

"Mike! I have to see him, do you understand? Please tell me where his house is!" Levi said as he approached him.

Mike stared into Levi's eyes,

"My God! I was thinking he would tell you everything! I was probably wrong about him" then, as he drank a sip of his coffee continued,

"Isn't it better for you to forget such a man? Take the opportunity now that he's gone and get out of this relationship. Why would you have a relationship with a man? It’s not right at all!"

"Mike! Why don't you understand? I have to see him! I haven't heard from him in four days! The last time I saw him, he wasn’t feeling well. I can't relax" Levi shouted.

He held Mike's hand up,

"Please... Tell me where I can find him?"

Mike pulled out his hand, "How do I know?!"

"God damn you! You know where he is! Why won't you tell me?" Levi screamed.

"I don't know!" Mike shouted.

"Then how do you know him?"

"Who's around here that don’t recognize him?"

Levi was just looking at him. Mike took a deep breath,

"Levi! You'd better get him out of your mind. Do you know what trouble you would run to it?”

Levi couldn't hide his anger, "No! I don’t know! I don't know what trouble I'm in! You're all shutting the fuck up too! How do I know what's going on? Open your mouth and tell me what the fuck I’m doing!” he shouted aloud.

Mike stared into his eyes, “Do you really want to know?”

Fear appeared in Levi's eyes. He didn't know what he was going to say but, he nodded.

"Okay, I'll tell you. So, listen up!” he put the cup of coffee on the table,

“The man you fell in love with him ... is a convict sentenced to life in prison!”

Levi was rooted to the spot. That was impossible.

The image of Erwin appeared in front of his eyes. He could hardly breathe; he was powerless for a moment,

"What... Did you say?" he said with a voice that was hard to hear.

Mike stared at him; he paused a little and went on,

“He was arrested fifteen years ago at the age of nineteen for the murder of _his father_. He didn't scramble and let them catch him. All he said in court was that the murder was unintentional, but he made no attempt to prove it and because he couldn't prove it, and of course because of the testimony of two others, the judge sentenced him to life imprisonment. Erwin didn't object, as if he had accepted his verdict."

He sighed and continued, "They didn't see anything bad in these fifteen years from him but the pardon didn't belong to him. Now, after fifteen years, for his good morals, he has been given a month's furlough to refresh himself. Of course, he has been under surveillance all this time"

Levi didn't hear Mike's words anymore.

The number _fifteen_ was repeated in his mind. His legs were loose, and he sat on the floor while his hand was on his chest, and he was crying. He was stunned, staring at the ground; he couldn't believe he heard such words about Erwin.

Erwin had killed his father! But how?

The Erwin he knew was different from what Mike was saying. Why didn't he say anything to him? And why didn't he notice anything about his strange behavior?

He could now understand the cause of Erwin's bitter word and his cruel behavior of that night, or even his heavy _silence_.

For a moment it was difficult for him to breathe.

"Why... Why didn't you tell me?" he said with a loud whine.

Mike laughed nervously, "Why didn't I tell you? Ask yourself! How many times did I try to tell you to distance yourself from him?! But did you listen to me? No! You didn't listen and you didn't want to hear it at all!" and he continued with an uneasy smile, "Of course, I understand why you fell in love with him because he's ... Really gorgeous!"

"You would have told me if you wanted to, like all the nonsense you force into my brain every time! But this time you shut your fucking mouth, you bastard!" Levi shouted with tears in his eyes.

Mike sighed, "You're right! From the beginning, it was clear that you liked him, but I didn't think it would be so serious. I tried to tell you earlier but you didn't listen to me. When I found out that your relationship had gone so far, I couldn't tell you. What was the point of saying that? I knew you would either not accept it or you would be destroyed. I'd rather you find out the truth one day until than to blame me for ruining your relationship. I thought Erwin would explain it to you somehow."

"Destroy? Can I get more destroyed than this? You’re so unjust!” Levi shouted.

He grabbed his head and pressed, he felt the time had come for his death,

"Why... Why didn't he tell me anything?!" he asked slowly.

"I don't know... Maybe, he couldn't do it. Maybe... He was scared you would leave him" Mike said as he sniffed.

Levi raised his head and stared at Mike. Mike looked at the ground and sighed,

"There's no one in this world that cares about him. Honestly, I have never seen anyone so alone and forlorn like him. I'm sure he's scared you’d leave him like everyone else. He's a selfish guy! He prefers to leave the others before they leave him! That's why he's gone before you leave him, or maybe he was afraid of being judged...”

Levi's breaths became heavy. He couldn't believe that Erwin was so alone, and he didn't understand.

When he thought of loneliness, pain, a sense of inferiority, fatigue, or perhaps the nightmare of the rape and depth of affliction that Erwin had suffered all these years, he was out of breath.

He just realized that the mere peace he saw in Erwin's face wasn’t the result of his blessed life, but represented the despair of a man who had nothing to lose.

He was embarrassed that he hadn't known Erwin and couldn't gain his trust to hear his secret.

"I... should see him! I must tell him I will never leave him! I... I'm not like the others... Please tell me where can I find him? I have to hear it from him! I'm sure he's innocent! I'm sure he has a lot to say" he said out of breath.

Mike looked at Levi; he was sorry and sad for his broken heart. He was ashamed of himself, as he saw when Levi understood the truth, not even a single bit of his love for Erwin was shaken. He thought for a while then twitched his nose,

"Well, let me think... He had a month for furlough! Now it's the end of the month so... if I'm not mistaken, he must have returned to prison a few days ago! Maybe, if you go there you can see him”

Levi paused for a moment then jumped out of his seat and quickly ran out of Mike's house and started running. The wind was scattering his tears beside his face.

“I have to see Erwin. I have to tell him how much he is worth to me! ... Erwin! If necessary, I'll visit you every day! I'll visit you as long as I'm alive! I won't leave you! I chose you! I won't regret my choice" he was whispering to himself.

_His sight was blocked by bloodshot and anger and struggle. He wanted to kick both of them out of the house, he wanted to let them know that he wasn’t a child and that no one could force him. In a swift move, he bit the man's hand and released himself; he attacked the man and knocked him to the ground._

_He went to the dresser next to the room and pulled the gun out of it. The strong man tried to stop him; he was stronger than Erwin and knocked him down. But Erwin didn't give up. As he struggled with the man, hearing his father's voice banning him from doing so. The gun was exchanging in their hands. Nile had given Erwin his attention, and at the same time was bullying his father._

_They knew that this anger would trouble them. He could have threatened Nile with a gun. As he wrestled with the man; trying to take control of the gun. But the man grabbed him from behind and made him stop. He yelled at Nile to leave his father, he pointed the gun at Nile but with the intervention of that strong man, he lost his focus._

_A bullet accidentally fired from the gun and landed on his father's heart. All of them stood motionless, stunned by the horror of what had happened. For a moment the world crashed on his head. His whole body began to tremble. Under the lips, he was calling his father. He was moving his father's soulless body and wept. He felt lonely and miserable. Nile and that strong man fled the house in terror. Erwin had remained with his father's corpse and a lifeless but sinful weapon decorated with his fingerprints..._

_He was holding himself responsible for the death of his father._

_"Did you commit this murder, Mr. Smith?" the attorney general asked him._

_But he was astonished, not believing what had happened._

_"Yes..." he said with fear._

_The sound of the crowd's smash was resonating in his ears, "What a simple admission!"_

_"It wasn't intentional!" he said tearfully._

_The attorney general asked him to explain, but he couldn’t say what had happened. He gave scattered information to the court and even failed to properly accuse Nile because his lawyer was more powerful than him. Nile claimed to have prevented this naughty child from doing this crime..._

_What a dirty game..._

_He was inexperienced and trembling with fear._

_He could not convince the court. His father was dead in front of his eyes, and he was ashamed of himself. He wished he had listened to his father's word and stayed in the room._

_A wrong choice and a lifetime of regret..._

_It didn’t matter how much he struggled, he had killed his father; an unchangeable and unjustifiable truth..._

_The judge ruled against him, life imprisonment! But he didn't protest._

_'I deserve it! My dad died because of my stupidity!'_

_Maybe if he was stronger or not so desperate, he would be forgiven, but at a may of youth, he was welcomed into the darkness of his life._

Levi ran part of the route to reach the destination. He leaned against the wall in front of the building to refresh his breath. His lungs were on fire due to the cold air. He barely entered the building and inquired, he was standing behind the door of the room looking at the sign next to the door.

The name "Darius Zackly" was engraved on it. He knocked on the door and entered the room without hearing answering. An elderly man with gray hair and long beard had put his hand under his chin, stared at Levi; he shifted his glasses a little and shouted,

"Hey! Who told you could just tilt your head down and come to my room?”

Levi reached over to his desk and put his hands on the table.

"Please... Let me see him! I have to see him!”

Zackly looked at him in surprise,

“Who has let this madman in?” he exclaimed, and he glanced at Levi's eyes,

"What the hell are you talking about? Do you know what this place is?" he said calmly.

"I have to see him, please allow me! It won't take long! I know he is a prisoner but I just want to ask him a question. I beg you... let me see him!"

Zackly looked at him, "You can't! It's not easy to see a prisoner. There are a lot of administrative steps! Who the heck are you? How did you think it was so simple..."

Levi interrupted him, "I don't have time! Just a short appointment! I promise I'll go out quietly. Please, sir! That's an important issue! It's very vital! Believe me!"

Zackly glanced at Levi's distressed eyes and he raised an eyebrow,

"Prisoner’s name?"

"Smith! ... Erwin Smith!" Levi immediately replied.

Zackly looked at him in surprise,

"The prisoner sentenced to life imprisonment?" he asked with a grin on his lips. Levi nodded.

Zackly laughed loudly, "I didn't think anyone knew him! Does he have any family? Let me know! What is he to you?"

"We're not... Family... I'm just his friend!" Levi stuttered.

Zackly nodded and repeated, "Friend..."

He clasped his hands together under his chin and narrowed his eyes,

"You can't see him," he said.

"Why? ... I must see him! Please...” Levi said impatiently.

Zackly leaned back in the chair,

"I'm sorry. He's gone!” Levi looked at him with widened eyes.

"What do you mean he's gone?" he asked in a panic.

"He's dead..." Zackly replied.

Levi glued to the Spot.

**_Impossible!_ **

Levi gawped at him. Zackly looked at Levi's pale face and explaining,

"A few days ago he was due to return to prison, but apparently took the opportunity out of sight of our agents. His body was found in the sea. It looks like he committed suicide, that night the storm came. Son of a bitch! ..." and as he cachinnated, he continued,

"Well, if others were in his shoes, they would have done the same. Anyway, he was supposed to be in prison for the rest of his life! What's the difference between dying or living for such a man?"

And all the rest of his words were lost in his shriek with laughter or Levi couldn’t hear anything.

The world was revolving around his head; he could neither see properly nor breathe. Tears streamed down his eyes, he couldn't believe he had lost Erwin _forever_.

That stormy night...

He told himself that he wishes hadn't left him. Thought about Erwin's face and his heart was torn. He kept him in balance and withdrawal a few steps; he wanted to cry but couldn't dare to scream. His lips were trembling and his heart could stop at any moment. His whole body was aching and he had a little vertigo.

Zackly's voice came to his ears,

"Hey, are you okay?" he could hardly keep up; he nodded and looked at the ground.

His tears were falling on the floor. He wanted to get out of the room,

"It looks like he doesn't have anyone!" Zackly said, he took a small booklet out of the desk drawer, put it on the table, and continued,

"He had nothing here. Then, we searched his house, but that was all he had. If you want to take it with you"

Levi glanced at the booklet, his heart ached, picked it up from the table and walked out of the room without talking. He was looking at the booklet as he could hardly breathe. The paper was folded into the book; he opened and looked at it. He hid his lament in the throat and ran out of the building; he had crumpled the paper in his hand.

His steps were heavy; his hands were numb. He bent forward a little and looked at the ground. He put his hand on the wall and leaned on it; he glided and sat down on the floor. Laid his head on his knees and began to sob. He had a crumpled paper in his hands. He leaned his head to the wall, took a deep breath with a loud moan, while his face sank in tears.

"Erwin! ... Do you know what the hell you did to me?" he whispered.

He remembered Erwin's image, his sweet smile, his tranquil voice, his warm embrace, pleasant odor of his body and even his feverish kisses. There were no more tears left for him, he was crying out loud and not paying attention to the people passing by him.

He opened the paper he had crumpled in his hand and started reading Erwin's writing again, line-by-line...

_“I decided to end my life after getting out of jail and drinking bitter coffee, which my dad loved so much... But ... I hesitated. Because..._

_I fell in love with the man who brought me a coffee at the coffee shop._

_I don't believe it but... I got hung up on his eyes..._

_Maybe I still have a chance to see all that is beautiful..._

_Flowers... The sea... The sunset... And him..._

_I want to remain alive a little longer for his sake..._

_But I'm afraid... He shouldn't know that I love him... if he falls in love with me..._

_I hope he doesn't love me..._

_Because..._

_My departure is inevitable..."_

He put his head on his knees and cried. Snowflakes were slowly painting his body.

........................................................

_"I promise you, I'll come to see you by the sea every day..."_

He was sitting on a bench by the sea, and this word was repeated in his mind. The gentle breeze was blowing and caressing his raven hair. He was gazing deeply into the sea. In his hand were a few red chrysanthemum branches. The sound of seagulls and children that playing kites or building sand castles was ringing in his ears.

He would come beside the sea every day to the date, he would bring a few bunches of flowers, lay them on a bench and return home in silence.

As usual, after watching the sunset, he laid flowers on the bench and slowly rose from his seat. He put his hands in his pocket and headed home.

The homeless wind was blowing on the flowers on the bench, and the petals that had scattered in the wind, smeared with the scent of his beloved body, slowly were seeing him off along the way.

**(THE END)**

**"Everyone wants a happy ending. Right? But it doesn't always roll that way."**

  
**We always think we can find out everything about people's soul but the layers of their beings are secret.**

**Humans are the saddest creature in the entire world and at the same time are happiest. You know which one must be chosen.**   
**Love, the greatest magic in the whole world, can rescue your soul if you trust in the miracle of that.**

  
**Be kind, don't be afraid to believe in things and enjoy the moments.**


End file.
